Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 169013 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 845(@200wpm)___ 676(@250wpm)___ 563(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 169013 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 845(@200wpm)___ 676(@250wpm)___ 563(@300wpm)
I guess I somehow knew that’s where I was safe, too. That no matter how hard and battle-clad Silas was, he was a haven.
A haven for his men.
A haven for his family.
I had a hunch he was the only one who didn’t know it.
Kai’s cries shifted.
Quieted.
Soothed as Silas slowly rocked him and kept running his hand down his back.
“I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
“My Siwas?” Kai hiccupped through his tears.
“Yeah, buddy. Your Silas. And I’m not going anywhere.”
“Ohhhh-kay,” that baby mumbled into his chest.
Crushing.
It was absolutely soul crushing.
The amount of sorrow and love that suddenly splintered out from the middle of me.
A breaking apart and a coming together.
Brittle pieces knocked free and a knitting of something profound winding itself into the vacant, harrowed places.
I thought Silas must have felt the impact because that ferocious, unrelenting gaze fell on me.
Sadness and devotion and something that looked like his own terror poured out.
It turned out he was right all along. I was looking for trouble.
I was in so much of it.
Because I knew right then he would destroy me.
He was nothing but a bomb dropped right in the middle of barricades and levees I’d built up to protect myself.
Atomic.
Complete annihilation.
Silas slowly shuffled over to the bed and crawled in beside me with Kai still in his arms.
He laid down with the little boy, and I followed suit.
No restraints or securities left.
Not after him touching me and showing me that I could be. That I had the power to ask for what I wanted. For what I needed.
Not after he’d held me after.
And sure as hell not after this.
Kai nestled in the sanctuary between us. His little thumb went to his mouth, and he hugged his blanket to his chest as he released a jutting sigh, the horror of the nightmare that had woken him expelled into the calm swells of the lapping night.
He made little grunting noises as he snuggled deeper, and Silas stared across at me from over his head.
Jaw clenched, eyes wide and fathomless.
Letting me see all the way to the bottom.
Where maybe he was every bit as afraid as the rest of us.
Another stuttered breath filtered out of Kai, and he rolled around to face me, still sucking his thumb as he curled into my chest, his free hand fisting up in Silas’s shirt that I wore.
On instinct, my hand went to his back to pull him closer. Wanting to shield and guard him, too. Or maybe it was just a bare, blatant promise that I would.
A toil of brand-new intensity suddenly blazed out of Silas, and his palm slipped to my cheek.
And I guess that was the point when everything cracked.
When there was no ground left below me.
When I stumbled.
When I fell.
Already sure I’d be crushed at the bottom.
THIRTY-EIGHT
SILAS
Darkness reigned and ghosts crawled the walls. The gloom that had always painted my life rimming the edges of the room, poised and ready to devour.
But a light held it at bay.
Flames around her.
Brinley Webber in my bed with that little boy tucked up against her chest.
Wildfire.
I set my hand on her cheek.
I was scorched.
Charred.
Ash.
Staggering in a direction that would tip me over the edge.
Drawn to a cliff like it exerted five thousand tons of gravity.
A force I wasn’t sure I had the will to fight.
But I had to.
I had to remember who I was.
THIRTY-NINE
SILAS
FIFTEEN YEARS OLD
His dad returned the next week just like he promised, the rumble of his truck again lifting the hairs at the back of Silas’s neck.
Yeah, he still wanted to punch him in the face, but there was some dark place inside him that was eager for what he had.
Silas figured he owed it. That every dollar the jerk ever made should be given to Silas’s mom. She was the one who had earned it. Worked and toiled to put a roof over their heads when this scumbag never gave a crap.
“There’s my boy.” His voice clawed at Silas’s ear, though he still turned to look at his father through the open passenger window. His dad leaned across the seat with another bag.
Silas eyed it warily while his tongue salivated. He had the urge to snatch it out of his hand.
“Told you I’d be back,” he said with a grin. Silas couldn’t tell if it was affable or malicious.
Silas took the bag, his heart beating fast, the sun shining down hard and sweat slicking his flesh when he peeked inside and saw there was even more money in there that time.
“You’re gonna have to earn the next one,” his dad said.
Silas’s stomach dropped to the ground. “And how am I going to do that?”
“You’re gonna meet me at the back door of Keg & Creek Tavern at midnight. And you don’t tell your momma.”
It was easy. He didn’t have to do a whole lot.
Take the backpack that was always hidden in the overgrown brush along the river and run it through the cover of the woods to the back of Keg & Creek.