Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 88212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“Is this where I pretend I know what I did?”
I laugh, lying on my back on the couch and pulling Miles on top of me. His weight, his breath against me, the feel of his skin, are exactly what I need. “Cedric checked on me. The guys at the frat checked on me without even knowing what went down. The only person I wanted to talk to is you. And sometimes talking helps more than we think.” It does for me, and if Miles gave it a chance, it would help him too.
“What are you going to do?” he asks.
“Talk to my boyfriend.” I laugh. “Go to therapy. I don’t know what I expect from my dad—shit. I keep calling him that. Am I supposed to keep calling him that? I don’t know. I’m going to ask for some time away from him, if he even wants anything to do with me now that I know, and I’m going to figure out what I expect, and how I feel, and what I want.”
He runs the tip of one finger from my temple to my chin. “You’re so put together. What are you doing with me?”
“You have a great dick.”
“Obviously.” He smirks.
“I love you.” I don’t want him to ever think I’m only with him for the sex. “And you make me feel loved. I have fun with you, and you’re a good person, even if you don’t realize it…and I can’t wait for you to realize it.”
He stares at me as if trying to work through what I said, trying to believe it, then tells me, “I love you too.” He rests his head against my chest, and this time, it’s me touching him, massaging his scalp, letting him know that just like he’s here for me, I’ll always be here for him.
“I think,” Miles says, “I need to talk to my dad and tell him how I feel. What him disappearing on me did to me. I understand the pain he was going through, the need for help, but how he did it left me very alone.”
Sweet fucking Miles. Saying that wasn’t easy for him, and telling his father won’t be either, but I’m so glad he’s going to do it. “I think that’s a good idea. Maybe it’ll help you find some peace in it all.” I continue to play with his hair. “I can go with you.”
He looks up at that, running his finger along my collarbone, tracing it. “You would go with me, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes. I’d do anything for you.”
It takes him a moment to speak again, and God, I wish I were inside his brain, wish I could understand every pause, every look. “I can’t ask you to do that, not after what you’ve been through. It would be a lot.”
“You didn’t ask me. I offered. I want to be there for you.”
He presses his lips to mine. “You are. I wouldn’t be considering talking to my father otherwise, but I need to do this on my own.”
“Okay. I’ll be here waiting for you when you’re done.”
“You better be.” He grins, and though I know it’ll be a lot for him, I’m proud that he’s pushing himself to have a conversation that’s long overdue, about parts of his past that have been weighing on him for far too long.
33
Miles
You don’t have to do this.
You could leave right now.
I sit in my parked car, in Dad’s driveway. I texted him earlier to let him know I’d be coming by, which surprised him, but he didn’t have other plans and even offered to get some Asian fusion for dinner. That’s so Dad, pretending everything is A-OK and that dropping by is totally normal.
It’s a beautiful home. Two stories, six bedrooms. A mix of siding and stone on the front—the siding having gotten a fresh coat of paint since my last visit. The yard is landscaped, with gardeners tending to it weekly to make sure all the bushes and hedges look picture perfect. No one would suspect the darkness that lies in our past, how we came to this place as a sanctuary after losing Mom, after Dad came back.
This beautiful house is another reminder that we can’t face anything. Since Dad couldn’t stay in my childhood home after what happened, instead, he uprooted my life, moved us to Roswell, away from all my friends and the family close to us, to live in a place that wouldn’t remind us of her.
Only it does.
It was kind of Dax to offer to come with me, but that felt like I’d be ganging up on Dad, and also, after everything Dax has been through, I don’t want him to take on my family shit too. Not that he’d mind or give a fuck about how it affected him, but this is my bullet to take.