Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 107639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Cora’s words from earlier hit me in the solar plexus. Kenji can’t truly love you when you haven’t let him truly know you.
I glanced across my bedroom to the intricately carved wardrobe, mentally traveling along every familiar divot and swirl in the design. It was an exercise I’d done a million times before, sometimes out of boredom and sometimes just to distract my mind from other things.
“He, ah…” I sucked in a breath. “He has Alzheimer’s, Kenji.”
The silence lasted several beats. “I’m so sorry. Is it a recent diagnosis?”
I clenched my jaw. “No.”
The single-word answer was like the blade of a guillotine, cutting off any intimacy we’d created. I knew it was hypocritical to expect him to give me a chance at a real relationship when there was so much I was hiding from him.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Not necessary. You’re entitled to keep your private life to yourself.”
I could hear the stiff formality in his voice, the tone that he took when he wasn’t sure of his role among the Brotherhood. When he returned to the comfort of his distant role where emotions played no part in his relationships.
“I don’t want to keep my…” I stopped when I realized that was exactly what I was doing, what I’d always done. “I don’t keep my private life to myself because I don’t trust you, Kenji. I hope you know that.”
“I don’t know that. What other reason would there be?”
Because I don’t want you to look at me differently.
Because I’d rather have the scraps of a relationship than lose you entirely.
Because I’ve kept this secret for so long, I worry you’ll hate me when I tell you the truth.
I closed my eyes and tried to decide how much to tell him. It wasn’t exactly a conversation I wanted to have when we were literally on opposite sides of the world from each other. “It’s complicated,” I finally admitted.
Kenji hesitated. “Well, that explains it.”
I let out a breath. “Kenj—”
“Are we having phone sex or what?” he asked, dropping the personal subject matter like a hot potato.
My jaw ached with the realization I’d fed right into his usual preference.
To keep things physical and shallow. To avoid emotions at all costs.
To never get past enemies with benefits.
But as always, I’d take whatever pieces of Kenji Toma I could get.
“That depends,” I said, hearing the false casual tone in my voice. “What are you wearing?”
FIVE
KENJI
A vulnerable Landry was my Kryptonite.
It didn’t matter that he’d lured me into talking about my dreams, then admitted he’d been withholding the truth about his father’s illness. It didn’t even matter that he’d literally it’s-complicated me when I’d admitted it felt like he didn’t trust me.
Hearing the sadness in his voice as he talked about his dad was enough to make me want to fix it.
I was good at fixing things. I made a living fixing things. But I couldn’t fix this.
I could, however, distract him from it temporarily.
As expected, Landry ended the call immediately and dialed me back using FaceTime. Ever since the one time he couldn’t turn an existing call into a video call, he gave up trying. Now, he insisted on ending the call and starting a new one. It was ridiculous… but endearing.
Seeing his face made my chest constrict. “Hi,” I said stupidly. For some reason, all the saliva on Earth pooled in my mouth at once.
“Hey, gorgeous.”
Landry’s eyes were warm, and the edges crinkled with affection. People paid lots of money to look into those eyes, and here I was, getting the laser focus for free.
“Hi,” I said again.
“Get naked,” he replied with a grin.
“You’ve forgotten who the boss is in our getting-naked relationship.” My hands betrayed me, propping my phone on the nightstand before reaching for the buttons on my shirt.
“I haven’t forgotten.” He yanked a cable-knit sweater over his head, leaving his long hair messy. “Naked. Now.”
I’d swear he added an extra-growly vibration to his voice when he commanded me in bed—something too low for the human ear to hear but that my dick responded to like a dog whistle.
“Hey. I could give or take this little session,” I said, making my greatest attempt at a bold-faced lie to date. “Consider it a pity fuck.” My shirt slid off my shoulders and onto the tile floor of my room, and then I reached for the waistband of my shorts and shucked them down.
Landry’s eyes popped out of his head. “Is that a Speedo, Kenji Toma?”
Heat rushed to my face. “It’s a beach resort. I was on the beach.”
“In that? Straighten up. Give daddy a little show.” The edges of his mouth quirked up, and his eyes brightened. I couldn’t help but devour his sculpted chest and shoulders, even though he still had a T-shirt on.
I rolled my eyes but stood a little straighter and turned so he could see my ass. I hadn’t spent half my life doing squats at the gym to miss an opportunity to see this man’s expression get even hungrier.