Total pages in book: 35
Estimated words: 32807 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 164(@200wpm)___ 131(@250wpm)___ 109(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 32807 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 164(@200wpm)___ 131(@250wpm)___ 109(@300wpm)
“What?”
“I had nothing.”
“Hawk?”
“No, hear me out. I had absolutely nothing other than my company. Sure, I had built up this amazing brand, and I’m grateful for it, and thankful and all that shit, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was all I had. My sister has a husband and kids, and my parents have each other and us. They have people. I had no one. I’ve stayed so focused on earning money, on building my reputation, that I didn’t do anything else.”
Katie sat down beside him.
“They never tell you that you would have this regret,” he said.
She smiled but it was one of those sad smiles that never quite reached the eyes, but you just knew the other person was feeling nothing more than pain. “There are a lot of things they don’t tell you about getting older.”
He laughed. “Yeah, because life has got to hit you in the ass. They don’t tell you that you’ll live most of your life thinking one thing, and then something will hit you like, bam, and next, there is nothing but deep regret.”
“Do you regret building up your company?” she asked.
“Yes and no. Do I regret it completely? No, because I know I made something amazing, and let’s face it, the advertisements you see are top-notch.”
This time there was a genuine laugh as he gave her a cocky grin.
“Do I regret focusing solely on my company and turning myself into nothing more than a robot? Yeah, I do. I’ve got lots to show, yet I don’t have a lot of memories. I bet you have tons of memories. Opening the shop. Your wedding day. Being with Adam. I mean ... I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Katie said. “I’m not going to sit here and pretend that Adam and I had the perfect marriage. We didn’t, and yet I wouldn’t change anything about my time with him. That doesn’t mean I don’t have regrets. Adam was so afraid of his illness, and he had a right to be. But even when he fought it the first time, knowing both his parents died of cancer, he always said the risk of having children was too high. I know some people believe it was from the treatment, and I guess we let them believe that, because it was easier than having to explain why he didn’t want kids.”
“You want kids?” he asked.
“Yeah, I do.” She shrugged. “But I loved Adam so much, and I wasn’t going to leave him to go and get something that at the time I didn’t know if I truly wanted.”
“He was lucky to have you.”
She looked at him. “What about you? Do you want kids?”
He turned to look at Adam’s graveside. “I don’t know.” This wasn’t entirely true. In the last few weeks, he had to face the truth—that he wanted it all. He wanted a family. He wanted to be a father and a husband, and that scared the shit out of him. It was something he often ridiculed—the family man, the family life—it was not something he wanted. There had even been times he had mocked it to promote a product or sell something.
Now, he looked toward Adam and knew his friend had been hurting. Adam had wanted a family. He’d wanted kids, he wanted it all. But out of fear, he’d sacrificed all he wanted. Hawk understood it and wished he had been there.
The only trouble with leaving town was, staying in touch happened less and less, and he had lost his friendship with Adam. He’d lost so much in his search to be number one.
Thinking about everything he had experienced, he had to wonder if it was all worth it.
****
The fair was a real hit, and as Katie walked around the storefronts, along with all the food on offer, it was the biggest turnout she had ever seen. She knew that was because of Hawk. She spotted Sarah, his sister, and made her way over to her.
“Hey,” she said.
“Katie, it is so good to see you,” she said, to which Sarah threw her arms around her. “My brother certainly knows how to throw an event, doesn’t he? It makes me think he should have been a wedding planner.”
“Where’s Harry and the boys?”
“Oh, we’re tag-teaming so we can tire them out, so they don’t cause any trouble. The plan is to keep them busy, moving from ride to ride, making them run around, avoiding too much candy, and when it looks like they’re going to fall asleep, plying them with more candy. When we get home, they should be too tired to even complain it is bedtime.”
The whole time Sarah was talking, she had this huge smile on her face and looked so damn happy.
“Boys sound exhausting.”
“Trust me, they are. So exhausting. My advice, if you have kids, try for girls. I don’t even know if there is a special wand, or a special anything, but if you can try it, do it. Girls the whole way, we’re not nearly half as exhausting.”