Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69836 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69836 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
How can I refuse?
There’s a siren ringing in my ears, like a tornado warning, when I stand in place, about to risk that my body is in fact rigged and self-destructs. But I’ve been through so much worse, so when the nurse steps away, I lock eyes with my sweet lamb, who gives me an encouraging smile.
It’s hard to breathe when anticipation twists my ligaments as if I’m a human-sized salami, but then the apparatus beeps and—
“We’re done” the woman says, and I stare at her, unsure if it really is over.
Nothing’s happened.
I’m still whole. And Sullivan’s dead and can no longer reach me.
“Anything in there?” Eli asks, limping to the nurse’s side. “Any metal in or around his heart?”
I dress in my coat while she takes her time, but once the photo is mounted on the bright screen, one thing is as obvious as the fact that I would rather die than disappoint Eli—there’s nothing of note inside my chest.
No implants. No bombs. No remotely-activated poison vials.
I’m all flesh and bone, like most people who don’t share my history.
“I don’t know what the hell you two are looking for, but I don’t see it,” she says and frowns at us.
I take a deep breath, but I’m unable to speak anyway. Eli steps in without hesitation. “We are so grateful for the help, and we’ll pay, but could you please give us a moment here? After that, you’ll never see us again.”
The nurse glances around the expensive equipment but must have figured we’re not about to steal or sabotage any of it, because she eventually nods.
“Five minutes. Tops,” she says and leaves.
As soon as she’s out, Eli turns to me and strokes my arm. “See? It’s okay. You’re free.”
It doesn’t seem real, and the tiny Christmas tree perched on top of the nearby cabinet makes the whole thing even more ridiculous.
Then again, maybe it’s me who’s the joke, believing Sullivan’s lies after his death?
“I’m free,” I repeat, tightening my hands on Eli’s.
His smile is pure sunshine, and I find myself on my knees, face pressed to his stomach as I hug him. He’s so quick to stroke my head. He doesn’t judge my weakness or despise it. He’s the antithesis of what I’ve been taught my whole life.
That anyone who learns who I truly am will leave me.
That tears are pathetic.
That only physical strength matters.
That friendships are defects.
That anyone who claims to care about me is lying.
“It’s okay. Take your time. I know this must be a very hard revelation. I can’t imagine he had you cut up like that just to keep you frightened. You were only a child.” Eli goes down to his knees with me and hugs me, stroking my scar through my sweater. His scent is so soothing. I wouldn’t need to see or hear him to recognize him.
I should scold him for risking his ankle again, but that’s okay. I’ll pick him up and carry him straight to the car once I’m no longer on the verge of hyperventilating.
Such a strange feeling.
As if my chest is so full I can no longer breathe. It hurts. But I don’t want it to end, as if deep down I’m aware that the pain proves I’m as human as anyone else.
“It was hard, growing up without a childhood,” I whisper, meeting Eli’s gaze. “I needed to do as I was told, or face the consequences. Nobody would give me slack just because I was a kid. When I tried to rebel, they… they did this to me. Just to lie to me, told me they could kill me even if I ran away.” I put my hand over Eli’s, right over my heart.
Eli sits his ass on the floor and pulls me closer. He’s half my size, but I feel so safe in his arms. If I did have a destructive implant in my heart, I could give him the remote and know he’d never hurt me.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through,” he whispers against my temple. “I’m here for you.”
He’s so warm, sweet, fragrant. He’s everything I want and need, so I hate the niggling feeling at the back of my mind that I don’t deserve any of it. “I don’t know if I can give you what you want. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I’m getting everything I need. Though I can’t imagine why you’d think you can’t love. You’re so tender with me.” Eli leaves several soothing kisses on my face, and I arch toward him as if I’m someone who’s spent their life underground and is only now seeing light for the first time.
“I killed my parents. That was a graduation of sorts. Once they were gone, I had no ties to my past. I watched their house burn and didn’t even shed a single tear. That’s not normal,” I tell Eli, because someone like him surely can’t imagine what it means to be me. “Sullivan patted me on the back after that. The one and only time I think he fully expressed his approval of me in any way. But I knew I was broken.”