Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 121310 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121310 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
She complies, her lashes fluttering shut. I lean forward and press my lips to her forehead, her temple, then the curve of her cheek. Soft, reverent kisses that have nothing to do with lust and everything to do with love.
Fuck, I love her so much. I want her to feel nothing but safety in my arms now. She was so brave, pushing so far. There was no need, but I don't know how to make her understand that.
Gradually, I feel her relax in my arms, melting against me. I continue my gentle exploration, kissing the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth, her chin. She sighs, a small smile curving her lips.
"That's it," I whisper. "Just stay with me."
I trail my fingertips up her arms. Over her shoulders. Down her back.
Not seeking, just touching.
Reminding her that she's in her body.
That she is safe. That she is loved.
Her hands rest against my chest, her touch light, almost tentative now. The fire crackles beside us, its warmth enveloping us like a cocoon.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, her eyes still closed.
"No," I say firmly. "No apologies. Not for this."
She opens her eyes then, and they're clearer now, more present. "Kiss me again," she says softly. "Slow this time."
I do, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss that gradually deepens. She sighs against my mouth, her body softening. Yielding. Her hands slide up to cup my face, her touch tender.
When we break apart, she rests her forehead against mine, her breath warm on my lips.
"Thank you," she whispers.
"For what?"
"For not giving up on me. For staying."
I pull back enough to look her in the eyes. "I'll never give up on you, Anna. I am always yours."
She smiles, her eyes bright with emotion. Then she shifts, curling against my chest with her head tucked under my chin. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close, feeling her heartbeat against mine.
She takes a shaky breath. "Thank you. For being patient. For understanding."
"Always," I promise, and mean it.
"I have a session with Dr. Ezra tomorrow," she says after a while. "I'll talk to him about this. Maybe he'll have some ideas."
"Whatever you need," I tell her. "I'm not going anywhere."
She tilts her head up to look at me, her eyes soft with something that makes my chest ache. "I know. That's what makes this bearable." She pauses, then adds, "I want you to know that I don't mind. About you and Mads. I want you to have that. To have what you need."
I press my lips to her forehead, breathing in the scent of her hair. Does she think I need sex? As much as I think I understand her, I still can't tell if she's just being self-sacrificial when she tells me to sleep with her while she's Mads. "What I need is you," I say in a way I hope she really hears. I can make do with my goddamn hand in the shower if I have to. I can't stand hurting her. "In whatever way you can be here with me."
"You have me," she whispers. "All of me. Even the parts that are still figuring things out. And you have her. Please. Take what we can give you. It's important to me. She's part of me, too. Will you?"
Her head stays pressed against my chest, and I frown. She's so stubborn. But why is she so insistent I have sex with Mads again? Is it because she doesn't believe me when I say I can go without? Or is there some other reason I can't see?
We stay like that for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms, the morning sun spilling across the couch, painting us in warm light. There's a peace and togetherness to this moment that feels just as intimate as anything else could have been.
But even as I hold her, I feel her pulling away. And I have the gut feeling that she's keeping secrets from me.
"All right," I finally whisper. If I can't pry any secrets out of her, maybe I can get them out of Madison.
THIRTEEN
MADS
I glare at Domhnall like my lust alone could set him on fire. Can the sheer force of my need peel his skin back and expose the beast inside him? If there's a god in this depraved world, Domhnall will combust into a blaze of raw, brutal fucking need and do what he was put on this Earth to do—wreck me.
We're at Carnal, for Christ's sake. A playground for perverts. A shrine to vice. A temple where bodies are meant to be worshipped and desecrated at the same time.
And what does my sadistic, withholding bastard of a fiancé do?
He orders me a cocktail. A fucking cocktail. As if gin and citrus are an acceptable substitute for being ripped apart on one of these deliciously devious machines.