Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 92392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
I ran over there. “No. Check if he’s okay!”
Kenji tried to grab me.
“Check!!” I fought him.
Reo got me too.
“Come on!!” Tears burned my eyes. “That’s not fucking fair!!”
They dragged me to the ground.
“Not those ghosts!!!” I punched Reo and elbowed Kenji, getting out of their hold. “I won’t do it! I won’t live without them!”
They got me again and held me down.
“Not those ghosts! I can’t!!! I can’t!”
Kenji tightened his hold on me. “I’m here, brother.”
“Let me GO!”
“Never.”
“Please!”
“I’ll never let you go, Hiro. I love you too much.”
“N-not those ghosts.” I shut my eyes. “I can’t. I can’t. I fucking can’t.”
How long did I say that?
“I can’t.”
Over and over.
Screaming it.
Sobbing.
Choking on those two words.
“I can’t!”
Kenji wouldn’t let me go.
Neither would Reo.
And those same damn words ripped out of me again and again.
“I can’t!”
Until my chest caved in.
Until my eyes watered out the vision of death before me.
“I can’t.”
Until I saw the twins and me dancing together and laughing at the cocktail party and my throat burned as I screamed, “There is no God!”
What God would do that?
What master plan would this be to take them from me? Rip their souls out of my existence when I was barely holding on.
When they were part of the reason why I lived.
My father was dead, but what did it matter now if the twins were gone?
“I can’t!!!”
And then. . . I opened my eyes.
And the twins were there.
Their ghosts.
Standing together in the red emergency light at the edge of the crates, side by side, the way they had stood at the cocktail party in the warm gold light of the ballroom, laughing and shooting bubbles.
Aki on the left.
Yuki on the right.
NO!
My chest broke open, and an ocean of sorrow poured out into the darkness of the cabin, drowning me. The agonizing water rose hot and salt-heavy, filling every chamber I had built to hold myself together.
It found the cracks in my ribs.
It found the dark spaces behind my sternum.
It filled my heart, then overflowed.
And I could not stop it.
I could not breathe around it.
I could not be the man holding it together anymore.
I was the water now, and the water was the pain, and the pain had taken my shape from the inside out until there was nothing left of me that was not made of grief.
My bones turned to riverbeds.
My lungs turned to tide.
And the pain had no bottom.
And. . .I let the water. . .have me. . .
Chapter twenty
Pussy-care Prescription
Nyomi
Three nurses and one female doctor stood around Deja in a corner. She'd been holding an impromptu TED Talk for several minutes.
The female doctor sighed. "The men I meet do not make the amount of money I do. The Dragon pays me better than any hospital. My mother says I should aim lower for men. She introduced me to one guy. He struggles, but sells anime-themed phone cases on one of the corners of Shibuya Crossing."
"Hell no." Deja wagged her finger. “If he wants to marry a doctor he’s going to have to do more than that.”
“But. . .I have not dated in so long I fear. . .my passion is leaving me.”
"What does that mean? Are you playing with your pussy?”
The guard next to me shifted as if he was close to rushing out of the space.
The doctor widened her eyes. “Well. . .sometimes. . .”
“Hell no. Listen. Play with your pussy at least every other day."
I snorted.
Girl. . .
The shocked doctor looked at the nurses as they chuckled.
“Girl, it’s your pussy. Be nice to her.” Deja shrugged. "Always aim high. Men who make money aren't great finds because they're rich. It's because they have the characteristics of people that know how to make money and keep it."
The doctor adjusted her glasses with the back of her wrist. "Such as?"
Deja held up her fingers and folded them down one by one. "Most rich guys have discipline. They do what needs to be done even when they don't feel like it. Second, a lot of rich guys understand delayed gratification. They sacrifice today's comfort for tomorrow's rewards.”
The doctor widened her eyes.
Deja continued, “Then, there’s the fact that they are more responsible than broke guys. They take ownership instead of blaming their mama, their daddy, their ex, or the goddamn weather."
One of the nurses snickered.
"Four is of course. . .resilience. A rich guy gets knocked down and he usually gets back up. He doesn't quit because the road got hard." Deja's voice slowed. "Five is emotional regulation. Rich guys don't lose their whole mind because they didn’t get the promotion or whatever. They sit with the feeling, let it pass, and then create opportunity to win."
“Oh my.” The doctor was nodding now. “I like this list a lot. What’s the last one?”
"Integrity. Their name and empire mean something. What they say and what they do tend to match up. If you can find one man with those six, baby, you can build a whole life with him. The money is the result of the man. The man is not the result of the money. You feel me?"