Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 43536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 218(@200wpm)___ 174(@250wpm)___ 145(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 43536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 218(@200wpm)___ 174(@250wpm)___ 145(@300wpm)
I shook my head in disbelief, not wanting to hear that she regretted being with me.
“That’s just it, Leo. I knew what I was doing, and I thought if we gave in to it, to this attraction, we could get it out of our system and move on as friends. That we could, I don’t know, scratch an itch and get past it. I was supposed to stop wanting you. I was supposed to be able to share this with you and decide we were better off as friends and roommates. But this made everything worse. Because I still want you. I want you even more now,” she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
I felt like my chest had been clawed open and light spilled into it. I crushed her in my arms. It felt so good to hold her, to know that she was shaken by the connection that I had sensed too. That she didn’t get me out of her system, that she still wanted me the way I wanted her. I was overjoyed. There was no other way to describe it. I fell to kissing her, my mouth on hers as natural as anything.
“You’re everything I want, Lexi,” I whispered against her ear, moving my mouth to kiss her neck.
She shook her head and pulled away, “I’m sorry. I can’t stay here. This was a horrible thing to do to you and to Rafe, to your friendship. You were the best friends I’ve ever had and look what I did to you. I’ve ruined everything,” she said, her expression twisting in an agony of self-blame.
“You didn’t do this alone. We’ll tell him together, Lexi. It’s okay. It was supposed to be like this, don’t you feel that? I don’t do this. I mean, I have sex and plenty of it. But I don’t get romantic. I don’t feel like this about anyone, not ever. Like I want to keep you.”
“I know we have to tell him, but this is on me. I wanted this. I stayed behind this morning so I could see you alone, see if you wanted me, too. I’ve never felt the way you made me feel this morning.”
“You act like you drugged me and took advantage, Lexi, and that’s not how it happened. I was wrecked coming off my shift. I found you here waiting for me. I wanted you instantly, body and soul. You comforted me, gave me the closeness I didn’t even know I needed. God, Lexi, I feel like I’m totally undone here. And you’re talking bullshit about how you ruined everything. Where is this even coming from?”
“Rafe is going to hate us. Hate me. Leo, we kissed the other night,” she said, shaking her head.
“I know, he told me. Listen, I don’t care about that,” I told her.
“You don’t?” she asked, disbelief thick in her voice.
“No, baby. I don’t. We agreed to let you choose and you chose me. I want you again and again. I want you moved into my room so I can reach out for you in the night. I want you falling asleep in my arms so I can watch over you and never let anyone hurt you again. You can’t know what it does to me that you trust me this much after all you’ve been through.”
I stopped short. I almost said it way too soon. It would be stupid and drive her away. She was already spooked. It wasn’t a good time to say I had feelings for her.
“Rafe is the best guy I know. He’s not going to kick you out or anything. He’ll understand. He’ll be upset, and he may kick my ass, but we’re family, the three of us. Don’t underestimate that. You haven’t had family before, but there’s a loyalty there, an understanding that our history together doesn’t let this be disposable. We won’t cut each other out, give up on a friendship like that.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand it. And you two have a history together, but I don’t.”
“He’d walk through fire for you, Lexi. We both would. Don’t sell yourself short here.”
“I don’t deserve it, Leo. Look at me.”
“I am looking at you. You’re everything,” I said, meaning every word.
8
Lexi
Ifeel like a total piece of trash. I was scared enough to move in with Rafe and Leo, to let them protect me. I played house with them, best friends and a happy family all rolled in to one. Then I screwed it up by kissing Rafe after my nightmare. We got past that, just barely, and I brought in disaster. I slept with Leo when he was hurting because I was lonely and scared and wanted to be touched and held by someone I cared about, someone who cared about me.
I’d never had that before. I’d had sex, sure, but not like that. I was afraid to face Rafe and tell him the truth, afraid to be rejected and kicked out like I had been all my life. Afraid that I’d come between two best friends. But I had to respect him and our relationship enough to tell the truth even if it cost me everything that mattered to me. I asked them both to have dinner with me at the house because we needed to talk.