Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 66651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
“You will obey me.” I say the words with force, but they’re choked. She looks back with defiance in her eyes. I don’t recognize her, and she doesn’t recognize me.
What we had is gone and I wish I could take it back. I hate Vince. I hate myself.
I WATCH in the monitor as she huddles into a ball on the concrete floor. Hard sobs rock through her small body, making her look weak and fragile. I know she’s not at all weak. But she’s become reliant on my approval, and I know this hurts her.
I’ve seen this before. I’ve only had two subs before who thought they’d enjoy a complete power exchange.
They think they want to be told what to do. And they think they’ll be able to listen, and be rewarded and pampered. But there always comes a time when the desire to obey is challenged too far. The desire can be lost over some concept of degradation or pride, or an issued command can simply be too far outside their comfort zone. Submissives have to learn to trust that everything their dom does is for their benefit. Doubt and lack of trust are the real issues.
Susan and Cassie were sweet girls. But when it came time to push them, it ended up like this. It would have never worked with them anyway. They cried and then left me. The only difference here is that Catherine can’t leave me. Instead, she’ll hate me.
She doesn’t trust me. I pace my room, not knowing what to do. I can’t leave her in there to think about leaving me. Her cries ring out from the monitors, and I walk quickly to turn them off. I can’t take it.
It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I don’t think about anything other than what I want. And right now, I want to comfort her. I want her in my bed. I need her in my arms. I take the stairs two at a time until I’m at her door. No more locks. She’ll learn to trust me. I’ll do anything I can to prove it to her. She just needs to stay with me.
Stay with me.
I walk into the room with purpose, but she doesn’t lift her head. I scoop up her body into my arms and hold her to my chest. I rock her gently and pet her back and her hair. Just holding her calms the beast pacing within me. She needs me, and I need her. That’s all that matters. Doesn’t she know that? She’s all I need. I kiss her hair, but she doesn’t look up. I walk us slowly to my room, but I don’t even know if she notices.
I try to kiss her, but she shoves me away. I hold her closer to me, but she tells me, “No.” She won’t let me in. I watch her deny me over and over as she sheds her pain in my arms.
I want to make love to her and show her what she means to me. But I feel like I’ve already lost her. My need to control her was wrong. I shouldn’t have punished her. It’s my fault. I hold her close to me as she cries herself to sleep.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her ear as her shoulders gently shake. “Please forgive me.” She doesn’t respond and I don’t know if it’s because she never will, or if she’s fallen asleep.
I hold onto her as tight as I can and watch her. That security I’ve had since I first laid eyes on her is gone. I look down and I know I’ve lost her.
I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat. I don’t know if I can make this right. I don’t see how it’s possible to move forward. I’ve broken her trust. I need her to forgive me, but I know she won’t.
28
Catherine
I can hear his steady heartbeat and feel his warm body against my back. We fit together perfectly, and that very thought frightens me to the core. My heart hurts as I try to ignore it. But this isn’t right. I’m not okay. I’m falling in love with a man who’s taken me against my will. These feelings can’t be real. I need to leave. I have to get the fuck out of here before I lose what little sanity I have left. Before he kills me.
I slowly move away from him and hate myself. I watch him sleeping peacefully and I have to cover my mouth to keep the sob from coming up and waking him. If I don’t leave now, I may never have another chance. And I know I have to leave.
I walk as quickly and quietly as I can. I remember him leaving the keys in the dining room. I know it’s a risk trying to leave. He could come down here. He could take me back upstairs by force, or he could lock me away in the cell, and part of me hopes he does. I’m sick for having these thoughts, and I know it. But I use the knowledge that his familia won’t keep me safe to motivate me. I summon my strength and force my limbs to move and go to the door. I take one last look around, gripping the frame and try to keep down the sickness threatening to come up.