Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 89074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
And because part of me feels like I may never get to touch him like this again.
“Wes,” Rayne says.
But Weston just holds a hand up, shaking his head.
His expression is unreadable. He isn’t freaking out, isn’t pissed. And somehow, that feels even worse than the alternative.
For the first time in years, I purely feel sadness when I see my brother.
No rage.
No rivalry.
Just a dull ache in my heart, and a useless wish that everything was different.
“You don’t have to explain,” Wes tells Rayne softly, with no malice in his words. “Of course you pick him. Hunter is always everyone’s first choice.”
21
Rayne
In my memory, Weston and I walk home together.
We’re only thirteen.
The power at Mom’s apartment got shut off, because she was only ten dollars short of the bill. The sun’s out, and it’s nearly ninety degrees. There will be no cool air, but for now, I’m fine.
Right now, I’m with my best friend.
When I leave Weston’s house that night, I come home to find a $100 bill with a note attached:
I know you need it. Just take it, ok?
When I decided to treat Onyx Society, and really all of Crimson College, like I was a king, I always pictured myself as a good king.
A worthy one.
Beloved, and respectful of the crown and all the responsibility it comes with.
But a crown means nothing if your most trusted friend isn’t there.
If he’s broken inside, and it’s all your fault.
When Weston sees us, it’s more than a Band-Aid being ripped off.
He doesn’t even fight his brother.
He looks like he’s given up.
Like the rug is pulled from under him, and suddenly, he doesn’t know where to land.
And I decide, right then, that there can be no half-measures.
Weston is hurt.
I kept something from my best friend, and even though privacy has its place, I know that I would be hurt if I were him, too.
There’s no fucking chance I’m going to let the wound fester.
I’m going to put honesty over fucking everything, the way I should have been doing the whole time.
And it’s all going to come out tonight.
“Wes, you are the first to know, and I was planning on telling you very soon,” I say to him before he can walk off into his room. “It’s not a one-off. It’s not a fluke. I… I’m hooking up with Hunter. I have been for weeks. And that’s my choice to make. But I am sorry for not telling you sooner. I’m so fucking sorry, Weston—”
He walks past us, not even looking me in the eye. “Go be with him, then. We’ll probably both be dead by the end of this week, so get your fill.”
I set my jaw. “You know that’s not true.”
He heads into his room and I look back at Hunter, who is just as defeated, leaning against the wall in the hallway.
“One second,” I mouth to Hunter, before following Weston into his room.
Wes is staring out his window, with his eyes wide. “My brother, Rayne. My fucking brother. Were you doing this in high school, too? How long have you been going behind my back?”
“No, we weren’t doing this in high school. And is it going behind your back? Do I need to tell you every single thing I do, and every move I make?”
“Fucking my brother isn’t the same thing as telling me what kind of coffee you drank in the morning.”
He’s right.
I know he’s right.
But I feel my own indignant anger eating away at me, all the same.
“You’ve been like a brick wall all semester anyway,” I tell him, and I regret the words the moment they’re out of my mouth.
He looks up, furrowing his brow at me. “Excuse me?”
“Ever since this school year started, you’ve been acting different. How often do we have fun together anymore? Why don’t we have late nights up talking like we always have?”
“Maybe because you’re too busy putting your tongue in Hunter’s mouth—”
“Stop. You can’t tell me you haven’t been different, Wes. It’s like there’s this invisible wall between us. Like you’re not telling me something.”
He’s gripping the ledge below the window so hard his knuckles are white. “Almost as if my asshole of a brother joined Onyx and I don’t like it. Almost as if I know my father is going to give him everything to inherit, and leave me with nothing.”
I shake my head. “Is it just that, Wes? Or is there more?”
“You’re fucking blind, then.”
“Blind to what?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Tell me,” I roar at him.
Wes looks me in the eye. “When you first came out, and got with Mikael, I thought I was just being possessive. I saw you with him and knew he wasn’t good enough for you. When you two broke up, I realized that it was something different than that.”
My chest suddenly feels hollow.
I turn away, trying to recall every interaction I’ve had with Weston this semester.