Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 118860 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 594(@200wpm)___ 475(@250wpm)___ 396(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118860 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 594(@200wpm)___ 475(@250wpm)___ 396(@300wpm)
“Those of us who chose to remain found strange changes taking place. Where before, we continually heard the whisper of temptation, voices insisting if we killed while feeding, we would feel something, a rush after centuries of nothing, those whispers ceased. Completely and utterly stopped. What was worse? Hearing the continual temptation, or the absolute silence that followed for centuries? We found ourselves living in a complete void.”
Sarika deliberately used her ability to see into others to merge with Tomas, tuning her energy to his to allow her to feel what he had experienced for so many centuries—what his brothers and Luiz were still suffering. Most of the time when she connected with those close around her, she didn’t do so deliberately. It just happened, usually when they were experiencing strong emotions. Or there was danger.
She didn’t want her privacy invaded without consent, so she was as careful as she could be not to intrude on anyone else’s privacy as a rule. This was so important, too important not to miss whatever it was that Tomas was feeling. He distanced himself so much, and she understood why he would. Emotions weren’t helpful when battling a vampire. After centuries with no awareness of feeling, the intensity was overwhelming. Toning them down, or putting them aside altogether, was the intelligent thing to do.
“We noticed as we continued to hunt our enemies that our skills, reflexes and awareness became more and more acute. We could heal our wounds faster. We seemed to be evolving, although it was slow, and we didn’t notice immediately. And then, little by little, we found that we could feel when in battle. It was a rush unlike anything we remembered. There was joy in battle. The longer the fight lasted, the longer that rush. The temptation, obviously, was to prolong the battle, draw it out so we could continue to experience emotion as long as possible. That rush was addicting, much, I’m certain, as it is for vampires when they kill while feeding.”
She felt that emotion, that high, with him as he was recalling the various master vampires he had hunted and destroyed. After the centuries-long emptiness, that feeling was impossible to ignore. She caught glimpses of the discussions the triplets had over the best ways to stay safe as well as keep to their code of honor. She saw their struggles, felt them, that pull, the need of battle—and she understood.
“It would have been bad enough had it ended there, but we realized there were changes taking place in us as well when we destroyed our enemies. Before, we were aware we were sacrificing pieces of our soul, but we knew our lifemate could make it all right. The scarring the kills are leaving on us is different, and it appears to be permanent. What that means for our future, I don’t know.”
Tomas sighed and stroked another caress along the left side of her face. “I don’t know what it means for us as a couple or for future generations. I tried to have a discussion with my brothers about the possibility of not claiming our lifemates because we didn’t have a clear future, but the moment I heard you, I saw you, all good intentions went out the window.”
She felt the conflict in him. The worry. The guilt. He had claimed her because the compulsion to do so was too strong to overcome. She could have told him it wasn’t just a compulsion. It was centuries of conditioning. Of culture. Of believing in the Carpathian bond between a man and a woman. She was struggling to understand it and could testify how complex that bond really was. She wasn’t Carpathian, but she was as caught in it as Tomas.
“I intended to reveal all of this before our third blood exchange, but I should have done so before making my claim.”
Sarika didn’t like the way he held himself so responsible for events he had little control over. In theory, it sounded good that he wanted to have a perfect code of honor, but that was never going to be reality for anyone. She was grateful. She could never live up to such perfection. She was anything but that.
“I’m happy with you the way you are, Tomas. I hope you see the real me. I have panic attacks at the worst possible moments. I charge into the fire when I see something is wrong and I want to fix it. I do a lot of things that may make you wish you had a different lifemate. And as much as I’m committed to this path, I don’t want to risk my jaguar or my ability to help my people. I expect you to help me monitor those things when the time comes. If things go awry, I would want to talk over with you how we can fix things before we proceed.”