Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 83777 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83777 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
I nodded and disappeared into the bathroom. I eased into the tub and stayed there until the water went cold. I got out and dried off, and when I stepped back into the bedroom, Jameson had left my favorite pajamas on the bed. It was strange how much better I felt just having him in the house. He gave me a sense of peace that only he could give.
He didn’t ask what happened. He just made me a plate of food, and we piled up on the sofa. I ate a few bites, and when I finally found the words, he listened. His hand never left mine, and he didn’t try to tell me it would all be okay. He didn’t try to fix it.
He just sat there with me and let me cry it out. And when there was nothing left in me but exhaustion, he wrapped his arms around me, pulled me into his chest, and didn’t let go.
We curled up on the couch and watched some silly romantic comedy he didn’t even pretend to like. We broke open every single snack he brought, and we ate until my stomach ached. We didn’t make love, not that I would’ve complained. There was nothing better than being tangled up with him but tonight wasn’t about that. It was about Jameson being there for me in a way no one else had.
I fell asleep with my head on his chest.
I woke up in my bed the next morning to the scent of coffee drifting down the hallway. I looked over and was disappointed to find that Jameson wasn’t lying there next to me. I sat up, and that’s when I noticed the note on the nightstand. There wasn’t much to it. It just said, ‘See you soon.’
But that was the moment I knew. He wasn’t just some guy I was seeing. He was something more. Much more. He could walk into the darkest part of my day and somehow still make it feel like light.
And I’d walked away from that.
Now here I was, years later, divorced, broken, and heading to a bar I didn’t want to go to, all the while wondering if the man I once loved still thought of me, too. I shouldn’t have been thinking this way.
I’d left because I had to.
I hated being a secret. I hated knowing that we couldn’t have a real future—not with my badge and his club. They would always pull us in opposite directions.
But sitting in that car, watching the road blur past, I couldn’t help wondering what would’ve happened if I’d stayed. If I’d fought a little harder. If I’d told him how much I loved him and how much it hurt to leave.
“Okay, missy.” The sound of Laura’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “What’s going on with you over there?”
“Nothing,” I lied. “I’m just a little tired.”
“Tired? It’s not even eleven yet.”
“Ha! I’m usually in bed by nine,” I scoffed. “But that’s not the kind of tired I’m talking about.”
“Oh, I get it.” Laura threw the car into park and killed the engine. “You’ve been through a lot.”
“Yeah, well, I brought it on myself.”
“Oh, don’t you even think of going there. We both know this isn’t all on you.”
“No, but a lot of it is.” I looked at her and sighed. “I should’ve never married Brian. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I get it. He was a safe bet.”
“But I didn’t love him. I should’ve waited. I should’ve waited until I found someone who I really loved and who really loved me. Then, maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard when the hard times came, and when I lost my mind, I wouldn’t have to wonder whether or not my husband had my back.” I shook my head. “But then, I wouldn’t have Austin and Chrissy, and I couldn’t imagine life without them, even if they hate me.”
“Oh, wow. You just went down the entire rabbit hole.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, no. Don’t be. It’s a lot, but you’re getting through it.
“I know what will make you feel better.”
“Oh? And what’s that?”
“You need to get laid,” she answered matter-of-factly. “You need to get laid by a hot, sexy firefighter or ball player who can throw you over his shoulder and give it to you good.”
I laughed as I told her, “You’re crazy.”
“But I’m right.” She motioned her head toward the front door of the bar. “So, are we going in or…”
“We’re going in.”
“That’s my girl!”
“I say that with limitations. We’ll have at least one drink and see how things go from there, but when it comes to firefighters or ball players, I make no promises.”
“Okay, but if the opportunity arises…”
“I’ll consider it.”
“That’s what I’m talking about.”
Laura was practically beaming as we got out of the car and started inside. I wish I shared her enthusiasm. Instead, I felt numb. It was a feeling I’d had for a long time. I was afraid I might never feel a thrill or any kind of excitement again, but I got a glimmer of hope tonight.