Total pages in book: 27
Estimated words: 24931 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 125(@200wpm)___ 100(@250wpm)___ 83(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 24931 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 125(@200wpm)___ 100(@250wpm)___ 83(@300wpm)
When I see it, my heart stops.
The lake. They’re at the lake together.
“I’ve never brought anyone here. Not a single damn soul, let alone a girl.” That’s what he said to me. Those were his exact words. I remember because it was the beginning of my trust starting to grow for him.
“You see?” Roxy asks, her eyes narrow and chilled. “He’s a player, Tammy. He’s been playing us both. You think he’s this great guy with a heart of gold. You think he loves you, but he doesn’t. You’re just another notch on his belt, just like I am. And we’re not the only ones, Tammy. He’s been using us both this entire time. He lied to me. He lied to you.”
I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as a cold despair settles into my heart. My gaze seems to vignette around that image. His words–his lies–echo through my brain.
I’ve never felt so stupid in my life. At least when I was living at home with my dad, I knew what I was being subjected to. But this–this backhanded deception…that’s something else.
My hands are shaking, my breaths chattering in shallow gasps. My pulse thuds in the base of my skull, and I’m absolutely sure I’m going to throw up now.
I spin and vomit onto the floor, gasping for breath as George curses in disgust from somewhere to my side. “Oh, Tammy,” Roxy says gently, placing a hand on my back. “I hate to see you go through this, but you need to hear the truth. You deserve to know who Saxon truly is. He’s just another scumbag biker boy. He’s not capable of loving you the way you need.”
Her words are not helping.
They twist inside me, stinging like a cancer.
My stomach heaves as I vomit again, tears pouring from my eyes onto the filthy floor of the bar. I can barely breathe. It’s like I’m suffocating, drowning in my own panic and despair. The whole world is a blur, spinning around me, giving me nothing to hold on to.
“We can help each other–” Roxy starts to say, but I can’t take it anymore. I dart out the door into the back parking lot, gasping for air, on the verge of a full-blown panic attack.
I want to race back in there and scream my lungs out at her. Pound my fists into her face, but that wouldn’t solve anything. I’d just be taking out my anger on her, when I really feel like hurting Saxon.
But how am I supposed to do that?
It’s not like he actually cares about me.
He probably didn’t even have business to attend to at the clubhouse this morning. He was probably just off with another one of his girls, whispering tried-and-true dirty talk in her ear that he’s used countless times.
I feel like the wind’s been knocked out of me. The pain I’m feeling now is unbearable. I opened up to him about my past. I let him in. And all he did was lie and betray me. Use me like I meant nothing to him. Pretending to love me while just stringing me along for his own fun and games.
I’m a fool.
I have to get out of here.
Somehow, I manage to get back in my car. My legs are shaking like Jell-O as I hit the gas and pull out onto the road. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes.
I stop at my apartment for less than five minutes, just enough to collect the essentials. And then I’m out the door and back in the car.
I don’t know where I’m going. But I’ve left my life behind and started over once before. I can do it again.
I can’t stay in this town.
I can’t stay near Saxon.
I’ll start fresh again. I’ll disappear.
And as much as it hurts, I’ll never, ever look back.
9
SAXON
If I was a man of words, which I’m not, I would say that I’m glowing as I pull my bike up to Jayne’s bar. I’m absolutely glowing with anticipation. I’m about to see my girl. My girl.
Tammy.
She changed me.
Before Tammy, my mind was always on the present. Never the future. I figured I’d live fast, die young, just like all the clichés say. I took what I wanted and never thought twice about it. Never looked back. I could never be one of those men with a nine-to-five desk job and a house with a white picket fence.
I’m an outlaw.
But now, when I have her in my arms and I can feel her warmth and her heartbeat against me, I can see it. A future beyond the road, beyond gang wars and gasoline. A home beyond the clubhouse and a reason to wake up in the morning beyond survival or revenge. Tammy opened me up, made me reveal my secrets, and showed me that I could want more from life than the next fight. The next thrill.