Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 88408 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88408 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
I growled in frustration as I got up and slammed my bedroom door. No one was home to hear it anyway, thank God.
I’d been pushing to get my license for the past month, and I still didn’t have a straight answer from my parents. It was like they couldn’t deal with the fact that I wanted to be independent, so instead of answering me when I asked, they talked in circles about it until I finally gave up. That had happened at least four times, and I was so goddamn sick of it.
I’d had no control over my life for so long, and it was as if it was all bearing down on me at once. I wanted to do all of these things that other people my age were doing, but I couldn’t, and it just underlined the fact that I had no control. None. Zero.
I needed to be able to get myself around. I wanted to drive myself to school and to friends’ houses. I mean, I didn’t really have any friends besides Rose, but maybe if I had a car, I could make some. I was so tired of being the blind girl that could see. I just wanted to be Lily, and I just wanted to be able to do normal teenage shit that everyone else got to do so I could distract myself from Leo.
It all came down to Leo, and I knew it and hated it.
His girlfriend’s name was Ashley. She was blonde, gorgeous, and nice. I fucking hated that she was nice. I hated that everyone seemed to like her, even his mom. I hated that he seemed to come up in conversation, even though I did my best to avoid any mention of him.
More and more every day, I was beginning to remind myself of Cecilia, and I hated that, too.
I was just so frustrated. It went beyond the normal level of frustration that I assumed everyone felt once in a while. No, this was a frustration that colored every single thing I did. I couldn’t sit and play with my baby sister or let my mom do my hair—which she loved—without wanting to scream.
Every day, I felt more and more alone. Like I was in the middle of this thick gray fog all by myself, and I had no idea how to find my way out.
I shut off my light and crawled in between my sheets.
An hour later my mom and Charlie got home, and within minutes my mom was flipping on the light as she came into my room.
“Get up,” she ordered, pulling the blankets off me.
“What’s wrong?” I stretched and sat up slowly, irritating the hell out of her, if her expression was anything to go by.
“Nothing’s wrong.” She threw her hands up in the air. “But even though you seem to think the world revolves around you, it’s time you started helping out around here.”
“Fine,” I mumbled, getting to my feet. “What do you need?”
“Clean the bathrooms,” she said flatly. “Then you can vacuum the stairs and do the kitchen floor.”
“Is that it?”
“For now.” She turned to walk away.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked, throwing on a sweatshirt. “Or just in a bad mood?”
“Seriously, Lil?” Mom asked, turning back around. “You’ve been moping around for weeks, and I have no idea what you said to Rose, but you’re going to have to grovel like hell to get back into her good graces.”
“Maybe I don’t want to get back into her good graces.” I tried to scoot around my mom in the doorway, but she stopped me with a hand on my arm.
“Get your shit together, Lily,” she said softly. “Rose is your best friend in the entire world, and you’re treating her like garbage.”
“Is that what she said?” I asked mutinously.
“No.” My mom let go of my arm and crossed hers over her chest. “She hasn’t said shit. I’ve seen you doing it. I know stuff has been hard for you lately. All of us are adjusting, and I don’t think it’s easy for any of us. But is this really the type of person you want to be?”
I turned and walked away without answering her.
Of course it wasn’t the type of person I wanted to be, I just didn’t know how to stop it. Part of me wanted everyone to leave me alone, and part of me wanted someone to make everything go back to the way it was. I never wanted to be blind again, but God, I hated feeling like this. I couldn’t get a handle on it.
Maybe chores would help. I was willing to try anything.
“Can I help you?” Charlie asked an hour later, bouncing into the bathroom after me, taking up what little space was left beyond where I knelt on the floor.