Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 78264 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78264 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
I don’t care about that, moya lyubov'. I just want to spend time with you and offer a distraction from your demons.
Abigail starts to list all the equipment and shows me the right amount of paint to squirt on the palette.
When her brush touches the canvas, and she starts to paint, she falls silent, and soon I watch the image takes shape.
There are no blacks, but instead, vibrant colors, and I’m taking it as another win.
Chapter 24
Abbie
It seems feeling torn in two is becoming my new normal.
Whenever I spend time with Nikolai, who’s been super patient and supportive the past week, I forget what happened to me. But once I’m alone again, the nightmare returns full force, and I know nothing can come of a friendship with Nikolai. At some point, he might try to initiate sex, and I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind.
The thought of sex – the act itself – disgusts me.
I still feel attracted to Nikolai, and I think he’s an amazing man. Even more so now that I’m getting to know him on a deeper level.
I want to run into his arms and beg him never to leave my side. I want this brutal and powerful man to protect me against the cruel world.
I want to get to know all of him. What makes him smile? What brings him joy? What he’s like when he’s with family?
But I can’t be intimate with him. Not while everything in me is still reeling from the violence inflicted on me.
It’s been a week since he asked me to go to his home, and I still owe him an answer.
The thoughts keep running through my mind while I’m sitting in Aurora’s suite. My friend is wearing a wedding gown while a seamstress makes some last-minute adjustments.
“You look so beautiful,” I compliment Aurora.
I have a smile in place while I go through the actions expected of me so she doesn’t notice something’s wrong.
The last thing I want to do is ruin her wedding day, and besides, I can’t talk about the rape.
“Thank you,” Aurora grins happily. “Gosh, can you believe I’m actually getting married in a month?”
I let out a chuckle. “You deserve this, Ra-Ra.”
More than anyone. Be happy for the both of us.
When the dress fitting is done, Aurora comes to sit next to me, handing me a glass of champagne.
She holds the glass up and toasts, “To us finding our happily-ever-afters.”
I’m afraid that’s not in the cards for me, but I clink my glass against hers.
She stares at me for a moment, then says, “Out with it.” I shake my head, widening my smile, but it has her giving me a concerned look. “I can see something’s bothering you.”
After I take a sip of the bubbly liquid, I set the glass down on the coffee table. “Nothing’s bothering me.”
Aurora tilts her head, her eyebrows drawing together. “Since when do we lie to each other?”
Knowing she won’t give up until I tell her something, I throw Nikolai under the bus. “Nikolai asked me to go home with him for a vacation.”
Her eyes almost bulge out of her head. “What?”
I find her reaction amusing as I murmur, “I didn’t give him an answer.”
Aurora grabs my arm and shakes me. “Why? Say yes!” Her excitement doubles by the minute. “Jesus, Abbie. When did this happen? Are you dating? Tell me everything!”
I wish I could enjoy this moment, but instead, my heart lies heavy in my chest.
I shrug while I shake my head. “Don’t get excited. We’re just friends. There’s nothing romantic between us.”
Instantly she frowns. “Then why would Nikolai invite you to his home?”
Hell, if I know.
Her face lights up again. “The man has the hots for you. There’s no other reason.” Her grip on my arm tightens. “Have you slept with him?”
My heart skips a beat before it speeds up, and I pull my arm free from her hold. The words come too fast from me. “Can we change the subject, please? I’d rather talk about your wedding. Do you know where you’ll go for your honeymoon? Are you still going to attend St. Monarch’s after you’re married? Where are you going to live?”
I bombard her with questions to get her attention off me, and luckily it works.
Aurora leans back against the sofa, a happy smile curving her lips. “The honeymoon is a surprise. Misha is keeping it a secret.” Then she pouts. “I have to complete my training at St. Monarch’s. My father won’t budge on it.”
“That sucks,” I murmur.
I hate being here. Nikolai is the only thing making it bearable, and soon he’ll leave.
“Misha has a house in Russia and here in Switzerland. We’ll probably move between the two depending on his work.”
I force a smile to my lips. “I’m happy for you, Ra-Ra.”
A knock on the door draws her attention away from me, and as she goes to open the door, I stand up.