Total pages in book: 331
Estimated words: 315585 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1578(@200wpm)___ 1262(@250wpm)___ 1052(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 315585 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1578(@200wpm)___ 1262(@250wpm)___ 1052(@300wpm)
I’ve never touched myself sexually, but the urge to do it is strong. It can only be for one reason—Kashton. I saw him standing in the parking lot when I left the motel. A part of me wanted him to burst into the room and watch me kill that guy.
It turned me on just like it did on the Isabella…when he fingered me while the man he killed lay on the floor. I’ve been able to push it to the back of my mind because of how disgusted I was with myself for letting him get me off that night.
Now, here he is again, making me feel things, and he hasn’t even spoken directly to me. I need to make sure I don’t let him get close.
I won’t be the woman they tried to train me to be. I have an entire box full of things taped shut in my closet that reminds me of who I once was, and it makes me physically ill to even think about opening it. The part of me that begged to be used.
I was in a dark place for a very long time, but I pulled myself out of that.
Dropping the towel, I place my hands on the counter and bow my head. Closing my eyes, I count to ten slowly while I take deep breaths. My pussy is wet, and my clit throbs with need.
“No,” I say out loud, as if that word matters. It doesn’t.
People are taken advantage of every day. Words are just that. You hear things like She was asking for it with the way she dressed, and She shouldn’t have been showing it off, or the insane She never said no. Meanwhile, the woman was far too intoxicated to consent or too young to know what consent was.
If the Lords had their way, they would only produce men. The women would be locked in cages and only used for sex. I don’t think some of them do it to get off. It’s just the fact that they can hold you down and listen to you scream.
It’s all about power. The ones with the dicks get to control everything.
My virginity was taken when I was just fourteen by multiple men. Drugs were involved, but I didn’t willingly take them. No. Over the course of several hours, I was forced to become a woman.
If I’m being honest with myself, I’d say I’m glad they drugged me because I don’t remember much of it. Just the foggy pieces that float in the back of my mind.
The aftermath hit me the hardest, when the drugs wore off and I found myself sitting on the shower floor crying. Even if my body didn’t have a chance at fighting the drugs, I still hated myself. I cried so hard that I ended up making myself sick.
What once made me break, I’m now numb to. I’m not sure if that’s a flex or a sign that I need help. Either way, it’s a part of my life that I’ve spent years trying to block out.
It’s a reminder that I’ll never be her again. I’ve come too far to allow someone to make me feel helpless. Especially some Spade brother who wants to prove to himself he can have whatever he wants.
Lifting my head, I meet my stare in the mirror. No. I won’t be that woman again. I’ve gone years without sex; I can do this.
My cell beeps, and I look down to read the text that makes the hairs on the back of my neck rise.
We’ve got a problem.
It’s been almost a week since Kashton watched me walk out of my motel room. I haven’t left my house. There’s no need when you can get anything delivered. Thankfully, I haven’t been called into either job. I can go for a couple of weeks without anything to do and then have to be at both the bar and the cathedral in the same night.
Lying in bed, I stare at the TV. Some reality show is playing, but I’m not paying any attention.
It’s crazy how fast your situation can change. That night on the Isabella was the first time in my life that I felt like a human. The wind in my hair while we were at sea—I had never experienced anything like that before. For so many years, I had been chained and collared, and I was finally free. But it was just a lie I was telling myself, because I was nowhere near free.
It was just another form of training. Kashton had to rush in and save me, and it fucked up everything. I let him touch me, and I was ready to end it all for a little attention.
Now he’s back, but he’s not playing fair. He’s going to follow my every move.
My phone gets my attention when it vibrates next to me in bed. I see I have a text message from an unknown number, and I open it up.