Total pages in book: 331
Estimated words: 315585 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1578(@200wpm)___ 1262(@250wpm)___ 1052(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 315585 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1578(@200wpm)___ 1262(@250wpm)___ 1052(@300wpm)
“I know, Eve,” I assure her. I’d never judge her for her past.
“I saw a chance at finally ending it all.” She closes her eyes tightly before opening them. “So I forced us to crash.” She blinks and fresh tears fall from her swollen eyes. “I would go with my baby. If there was an afterlife, we’d go together. I couldn’t imagine—” She licks her lips nervously. “But I lived.” Her eyes meet mine and they plead for me to understand why she chose to do what she did. “Why?” Her voice cracks.
“Eve—”
“We were supposed to die together.” Her lips tremble. “I was supposed to protect my child.” She sobs. “And I knew I couldn’t do that—”
Wrapping my arms around her once again, I place my chin on the top of her head.
“I…lived.” The regret that she survived is evident in her voice.
“Listen to me, Eve.” I pull back and cup her tear-streaked face in both of my tatted hands. “Quit blaming yourself. It wasn’t your fault. None of it.” My girl was trapped. A kid imprisoned in a hell who was used only to breed.
Pushing me away, she steps back. “Don’t you see the problem?” she growls.
I frown, confused by her change of tone. “Eve…”
“I can’t give you children,” she shouts.
My frown deepens, and she snorts, rolling her watery eyes.
“I didn’t know how to feel after I found out I survived. We were both supposed to die. We were supposed to be together in another universe where no one could hurt us. Where parents love and protect their children. I wanted that. A different life. A dad and mom who loved me.”
“I love you,” I tell her. “You’re going to be my wife. I’m going to vow to take care of you, to love you and to protect you. I promise you that no one will ever touch you again.” She looks away from me. “Kids don’t matter to me. You matter to me.” She frowns as if that’s a concept she can’t accept. “You asked me if I had a life, and I said I was looking at it. You are what I’m looking at, angel. You’re who I see when I close my eyes at night, and you will be the last person I see before I leave this world. I’m going to spend every day I have left devoting my life to you because you are the one I want.”
“You still don’t get it,” she whispers, shaking her head.
“Explain it to me. Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.” It’s not the first time I’ve told her that. All I need is for her to tell me how I can make it better.
“I had to learn to be okay with what I did. Because I survived, I had to live with my choices. My mistakes. But you came along and changed that.”
She’s right. I didn’t understand what she was trying to tell me, but now I do. She wants to give me a family. She’s tried to commit suicide twice that I know of, and now she wants to live. I’ve forced myself into her life and have her hating herself for the choices she made. “What do you want, Eve?” I ask her. Wanting to hear the words. Pushing her a little more.
“I want to give you a family,” she whispers, as if ashamed to admit that. “I want babies. I want baseball practice at five and cheerleading at six. I want a messy home and happy kids. I want you to call in sick on a random Monday because you want to take our family to an overpacked water park.” She gives a small smile, picturing that thought before lowering her voice. “I want a second chance. I want to break the cycle.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
Her face falls and she sighs. “That’s impossible, Kash.”
“We’ll adopt,” I tell her. “As many kids as you want. Hell, we can have our own baseball team if you’d like.”
She laughs like I’m joking, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. She’s already getting back to herself.
“I’m serious, Eve. Anything you want. I’ll give it to you.” I will make it happen.
FIFTY-FIVE
EVERETT
Ilie awake in bed above Blackout, unable to sleep. I think those two days that I was out have fucked with my sleep schedule. Or it could be because I haven’t had a single sip of alcohol.
I tried to push him away. I thought if I trauma dumped all my problems on him, he’d run away. Yet here we are, in bed, and he’s still snuggling up to my back.
But no sex.
I can’t pretend to understand how he must feel. My father and half brother both raped me. Along with his father. That takes time to process. And when he wakes up, he might change his mind and realize I’m not worth it.