Total pages in book: 331
Estimated words: 315585 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1578(@200wpm)___ 1262(@250wpm)___ 1052(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 315585 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1578(@200wpm)___ 1262(@250wpm)___ 1052(@300wpm)
I sit straight up, gasping for air. I blink rapidly, and when my vision comes into focus, I see we’re still in the apartment above Blackout.
Kashton is sound asleep next to me.
Taking in a shaky breath, I run my hands through my tangled hair to push it off my face.
It was a hallucination, Eve, Kash had told me.
Even in my dreams, I can’t escape something that didn’t happen. It wasn’t real. But I’ve never felt anything more real in my life. I remember girls having hallucinations at Dollhouse. They looked like they had been possessed by demons, the way their bodies twisted and turned. The screams that came out of their mouths. It was horrific and so painful to watch.
Getting out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom and flip the soft light on. I go to the his-and-hers sinks and turn on one of the faucets, splashing cold water on my face. I do it again and then start digging through cabinets for something to help relieve this pounding headache. Everything fucking aches. Finding some Advil, I pop two in my mouth, cup the water, and take a sip. I’m so thirsty.
Turning it off, some of Kashton’s things catch my eye. He’s got his wallet, a money clip filled with hundreds, and his pocketknife on the counter.
I take a quick look into the bedroom, and he’s still asleep—head on the pillow, facing away from me, arms underneath it, and the covers up to his shoulders. Licking my lips, I pick up the knife and hold the cold metal in my hand. Why didn’t I kill myself in my hallucination?
I could have. There was a rope wrapped around my neck. I could have lifted my legs at any time and hung myself. It was a sign, right? Why didn’t I think of it? Would that have brought me out of my hallucination, or would it have given Kashton a reason to punish me? Probably would have just been another reason to torture me. I won’t ever know because none of it existed.
I don’t think anyone is capable of pulling themselves out of a hallucination. I’m pretty sure you have to ride it out. Especially if you’re given drugs to induce it.
“Angel?”
I gasp and drop the pocketknife, startled by the sound of Kashton’s voice. He stands in the bathroom, dressed in nothing but his black boxer briefs. He hasn’t touched me sexually. I passed out in his arms a few hours ago after he picked me up off the bathroom floor.
Why would he want to touch me? I screamed for him to get away from me. I told him I hated him. He probably hates me now. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He steps in, and I take a matching step back. Bending down, he picks up the knife and puts it in a drawer. “What are you doing awake?” he asks through a yawn.
I bite my lip and bow my head, too ashamed to tell him what he did to me while at Dollhouse. I should never have believed he’d be that way. That he would hurt me. He’s been the best thing to happen in my life. The Lords want to ruin it. It’s working.
“Eve, I want you to talk to me. Tell me what I can do to make it better.”
I run a hand through my hair, avoiding eye contact. “I’m fine.” It’s the same lie I always seem to be telling him. If he knew how fucked-up my head was, he’d run the other direction.
“No, you’re not.” He steps into me, and I lean into him.
“It was just a bad dream.” Another lie.
Without another question, he picks me up and carries me back to bed. My mind tells me it’s because he wants me far away from the knife he put in the drawer. My suspicion is confirmed when he pulls the bathroom door closed behind us.
He thinks I’m suicidal.
I cuddle up to his body and he sighs, relaxing into the mattress. We lie in silence for a few seconds when I speak. “Why are we here?”
“It was the closest to Dollhouse,” he answers softly. “I didn’t want you at Carnage, and my house is on the other side of town.”
Why doesn’t he want me to return to Carnage? Is Haidyn mad at me? Probably. “Did I pass?” I try to lighten the mood. I’m embarrassed that I freaked out when I woke up. That I accused him of hurting me in such a way. That I looked as weak as I was for so many years.
Kashton gives a soft chuckle. “You’re perfect.” He kisses my forehead.
“Can we go to my house tomorrow?” I ask through a yawn. Hopefully, I can get some sleep. My body is so tired, but my mind is running.
“No,” he answers, and I hold in a sigh. “Evan is still on the run, and that’s the first place he’s going to go looking for you. But we can go to mine.”