Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 133878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 669(@200wpm)___ 536(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 669(@200wpm)___ 536(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
She knew who Rachel was talking about, and for once it wasn’t Max. “Rye feels the need to be in control. He has to be the responsible one. Not that Max isn’t, but he can let things go that maybe he shouldn’t. Rye can’t do that. When our mom died and our dad walked away, Rye took on the task of getting a job that had hourly requirements while Max took care of the business. Do you think Rye wouldn’t have preferred the other? I assure you he did, but when times got tough, Rye was the one who stepped up. And Max took care of all the stuff like making sure both Rye and I were ready for work or school. I often wonder if we would have survived if one of my brothers hadn’t stayed. They’re not capable of functioning without each other.”
Rachel nodded. “Oh, I know. They’re halves of a whole.”
Bay and Shane were the same. Did Shane understand how important he was? Or did he think he was nothing more than the guy who did the mundane tasks? Did Bay understand that he brought more to the table than artistic genius? “How do you handle it?”
“I don’t know that I am right now.” Rachel put her coffee down. “I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m anxious. I’m also feeling shame because I know they’re trying. I’m going to love this baby, but I thought we were done, and I don’t blame Max. I knew he was scared about the procedure and I still slept with him, still let myself get lost and didn’t think about anything but feeling sexy and young again. You know when I talked about the pond last night?”
“Yep. It was too much information, but then there was a lot of that, and some of it was from me, so I think we should go with it,” Brooke replied.
Rachel put a hand on her barely-there belly. “I know where this one was conceived and exactly who his bio dad is. I went out to that pond for some peace and quiet and then Max showed up and it was like that first time all over. I didn’t think. I only wanted to feel that way again.”
“Rachel, you’re not old.”
“Maybe not,” her sister-in-law allowed. “I guess the better way to put it was I wanted to feel like something other than a mom. I sound terrible. I love my kids.”
“Of course you do.” Tears pierced her eyes, and she reached out for her sister. “Have you talked to them about it? How you feel?”
“Have I told my husbands how unhappy I am with the current state of affairs? No. I don’t want them to know. I’m supposed to be happy. Everything is supposed to work. We love each other. That’s supposed to be enough.”
Brooke squeezed her hand. “Damn, I think I’ve been around Logan enough that I know what to say to you. Rachel, the story didn’t end when you said I do. It started there. You can’t have four kids in seven years without a whole lot of change, and change requires one thing. Communication. What if Max and Rye are feeling the same thing but it’s coming out in different ways?”
Rachel’s brows rose. “What do you mean?”
“I mean for you it’s anxiety. You feel the disconnect. You feel like you’ve become nothing more than a mom, and the wife part is about service instead of intimacy. I bet they feel it, too.” Brooke groaned as a couple of hard revelations hit her. “Damn it. When Rye feels anxious, he tries to control things. He feels like if he’s in control, he can handle it. But he won’t ask for help. And what is something he can try to control?”
“You. Or at least the world around you,” Rachel said. “Max is worried about money. I told him I didn’t think we needed to worry, but we can’t always go to Stef.”
“Yes, you can. I assure you, you can.” Stef had more money than he would ever know how to spend. His money made money at this point, and her brothers and Callie were Stef’s family. No one would question Stef investing in his brothers’ business. Any more than they asked why he sponsored artists from time to time. Stef might never have been a starving artist himself, but he cared about them.
Would Stef be interested if she started her own business? Or maybe wanted to invest in helping her change things up?
“They’re worried about paying for college for four kids.” Rachel sighed and sat back. “I’m worried about having four kids under the age of eight. I need to admit something to you.”
Brooke already knew. “You were excited I was coming because I would babysit for you, and having me in a tiny house of my own on the property would make that super easy. Especially since I didn’t have a boyfriend and my job was in shambles.”