Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 133878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 669(@200wpm)___ 536(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 669(@200wpm)___ 536(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
“You would have been fine without me,” Shane insisted.
“No, I wouldn’t, and you know it. You think I don’t know all the things you’ve done for me over the years, but you’re wrong. I don’t think the way other people think. My brain is always running, but not on the everyday things,” Bay admitted.
“Because you’re an artist.” Brooke turned so she could get her hands on Bay, too.
“Or maybe I’m an artist because I can’t be anything else. Maybe my brain is why I have to do these things,” Bay replied.
Brooke understood. “You make it sound like it’s hard. I feel like I need to work, too. I always have. Even as a kid I would make clothes for my dolls and later for myself.”
“It’s not exactly the same. I would bet you can write down your ideas and come back to them later,” Shane explained. “Bay’s mind doesn’t work that way. If he sees something that sparks him, he has to sit down. Mostly right then. It’s why he carries a small sketchpad at all times. Well, when he’s not on top of a horse working he does.”
“And Shane makes sure to replace it when I’m getting close to it being full.” Bay sighed. “I don’t function well on my own. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had Shane. If he’d been my full brother and there had been some years between us. He likes to talk about how he’s the one who doesn’t have talent, but my talent means nothing without Shane around to balance me. I just… You should know I’m not whole.”
Her heart constricted. They were both broken and yet there was something so sweet about them. Had they survived because they had each other? Her brothers had been born as halves of a whole. They were those twins who could sense what the other felt, could finish each other’s sentences, couldn’t be apart for long.
Bay and Shane weren’t twins, but they functioned a lot like Max and Rye.
Was that why she was so deeply attracted to them? Because they reminded her of the men who raised her? Because they offered the possibility of the odd stability she had as a kid?
“You are whole,” she whispered, touching Bay’s face. “And so is Shane. I am, too, but I feel like there’s a hole in my life.”
“Because you lost your job?” Shane asked.
She thought about it for a moment. Honesty. How could she figure out what was wrong with her life if she wasn’t honest? “I don’t think I’ve been happy for a long time. It’s more than the job. I feel adrift. I like the city but I miss being here. When I’m here I miss the city. I loathed so much about my job. Not the design part but the work part. The company. And yet when I lost the job I felt like I lost part of myself. I think I’m a little fucked up.”
“I feel that way all the time.” Shane’s hands moved on her skin, like he needed the contact. “I think what you’re trying to do is find your place.”
No. That would be ridiculous because she’d gone to college and did grad work at Parsons and lived in the greatest city in the world. She knew who she was and what she wanted.
Didn’t she? It wasn’t like she was a teen anymore. She’d made decisions a long time ago. She’d set herself on a path. This whole thing with the firing was nothing more than a speedbump. She would find another job and go back to New York and back to working fifty plus hours a week in a too-small apartment she wouldn’t be able to afford. She would design fast fashion T-shirts that would end up in a landfill.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Shane drew her back. “You don’t have to know everything right now. You should just be glad you don’t have his brain.”
She realized Bay had gotten up. She glanced around and he had grabbed a small sketch book from his kit and had a pencil in his hand. He moved it across the page.
“What’s he doing?” she asked.
“He found something interesting in the way you look. I told you sometimes he can’t help it and he needs to work. It gets hard when he’s out on the range or driving somewhere. It’s why I have to make sure I’m around him most of the time,” Shane admitted. “I would bet that book is getting another not-safe-for-work drawing.”
“He’s drawing me?” Brooke sat up. It felt weird. Like he was taking a picture of her naked. “I don’t know that I like that idea. I don’t want naked pictures of me.”
“Could you show her? I know you’re in the middle of a flash, but your genius can wait for a second so she’ll feel comfortable,” Shane requested. She noticed he’d sat back. He didn’t cover himself but there was a definite withdrawal.