Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85029 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85029 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
I just stare at her, a little bit taken aback. I deserve that remark, I do. But she could try a little harder. Of course, it would be a very bad idea to say that out loud. “The part where we… spend time together. Not feeding. Doing other things.”
“What other things?”
“I dunno. Walking in the woods. Grocery shopping. Going out to dinner. Cooking and shit like that. Normal things. Like we started doing before—”
“Before you started drinking me?”
“You fed me, Syrsee.” It comes out harsh. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“Well…” She falters. Or perhaps she was going to cut me again with more words, but loses her nerve. Regardless, she takes a breath. “Paul told me you were gonna die. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t want you to die. It was probably a lie—”
“It wasn’t.” I say it sternly so she knows I mean this. “It wasn’t a lie, Syrsee. I would’ve died. I think he’s killed many, many men like me over his lifetime and I think I’m the first who didn’t die.”
I let out a breath and try to relax. I’m not mad at her. There’s nothing to be mad at her about. She’s allowed to have doubts. Hell, I’d have doubts too. But she’s wrong about this and if I don’t tell her she’s wrong, then who will?
So I continue in a lower, calmer voice. “And the reason I didn’t die is because of you, Syrsee. So… thank you. I mean that. Thank you. And now that’s out of the way, I won’t blame you if you hate me. Because I don’t want to pretend that we like each other. I’d rather you openly hate me than pretend to be my friend. So if you hate me… OK. I’ll accept it, I’ll leave you alone, I’ll give you whatever you need to get you through the feedings. You can live somewhere else if you want. You can… see people. Whatever it takes to make it up to you, I’ll do it.”
She scoffs a little. “Trust me when I say this, Ryet—dating is the last thing on my mind.”
“Well, the offer stands. You don’t have to live here—”
“If you could eat once a day, maybe that would be an option. But I feel your need, Ryet. And I know you’ve been trying to go for longer periods, but you won’t be able to fight these cravings all the time. And what is the point of moving out if I just have to feed you every few hours?”
I want to say it will get better. That the cravings are only strong and feedings so frequent because I’m new. But I don’t know that. And now that Paul is gone, I don’t have anyone to ask. I can’t even ask Lucia, not that I would. But if she were still alive, it would at least be an option.
So I just shrug with my hands and sigh. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I have bones coming out of my back, Syrsee. And I don’t know what they are, or what they’re gonna look like, or what else is gonna change about me.”
She swallows hard and turns to look back out the window. She probably can’t stand the sight of me. And I just went and reminded her that I’m literally turning into a monster and it’s going to happen right in front of her eyes.
Syrsee’s voice is also low and soft when she speaks again. “I don’t want to… hate you, Ryet. I don’t hate you.” She turns to face me again. “I want to love you. I want to… sleep next to you. And kiss you, and laugh, and have fun. I don’t want to just be your food.”
“Is that what you think?” I point to myself. “That I see you as food?”
She huffs a little. “Well, I get that it’s kind of crude, but that’s what I am. I’m literally feeding the monster inside you.”
“I don’t think you’re food, Syrsee.”
“What if that’s the only reason you like me? And what if you don’t even know that? What if your cravings—”
I don’t let her finish. “Let me make this very clear.” She stares up at me with wide, green eyes. “You are not food. Your blood is not you. And it’s not the reason I like you. I like you because you’re funny, and smart, and beautiful. And you’re the one person in this whole world who I can be myself with. That’s it. That’s why I like you. And it’s the same reason any man likes any woman, Syrsee. That part is not different and that part has not changed.”
She pauses, taking a moment to internalize this statement, I guess. Then she lets out a sigh. “Well.” A forced smile appears. “OK. That’s why I like you too.” Now she bites her lip, like she’s holding something back and nervous about it. “It just feels a little…” She pauses. Stares at me.