Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Once we’re done, the photographer gives us a ticket so we can go to the counter and purchase the photo. The woman takes the ticket and scans it, and our photo pops up on the screen. Only instead of seeing Gage, Rory, and me, my brain changes it to Collin and the bunny. The image knocks me back a couple of steps, and I bump into Gage. Thankfully, Rory is in her stroller, and Gage catches me before we hit the ground.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice filled with concern.
“I…” Images of Collin running to the Easter Bunny, smiling for the camera, and then hugging him take over my brain, making it hard to think, speak, breathe. My little boy… He’s gone. He’ll never experience another holiday again. No more bunnies or Santas… He’ll never open another present or look for hidden eggs.
“Oh, my God, are you Gage Sharp?” a woman says. “I am a huge fan. Oh! And you must be his girlfriend. I saw the post on Instagram.”
She continues to fangirl, but all I can focus on is trying to keep my shit together. But the thoughts and images hit me like a freight train, and the next thing I know, everything goes black.
“Sadie,” Gage says softly. “Wake up, baby.”
I wrench my lids open and find I’m lying on a couch in a room I’ve never seen before. “What happened?” I croak, trying to sit up. The room spins, so I close my eyes for a few moments before opening them again.
“I think you had a panic attack and passed out,” Gage says.
“I took Collin to see that Easter Bunny.”
“Oh, baby.” He wraps his arms around me. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I forgot until you guys sat down, and then it hit me. It’s been almost two years, and it still hurts so much,” I choke out.
“Mama,” Rory says softly, using a tone she rarely uses.
“Paul grabbed her and the stroller so I could carry you into the office,” Gage says.
“Mama,” Rory repeats, reaching out for me. She’s too young to understand, but babies can sense when something is off.
“Hey, sweet girl.” I lift her out of her stroller and hug her tightly, needing to smell her baby scent and feel her heartbeat.
“Did that fan see me pass out?” I ask, flinching at the thought of someone getting it on camera.
“Nah, I signed something for her, and she took off before you blacked out. The manager saw it all go down and opened the office for us to get you out of the public eye. But even if she did, the only thing that matters is that you’re okay.”
“God, I can’t believe I did that,” I mutter. “What if you weren’t with us, and it was just Rory and me?”
Gage cups the back of my neck and turns my face to look at him. “You’re the strongest woman I know, but sometimes it’s okay to be weak. You’ve been through more shit than most people, and thinking about what-ifs won’t do you any good. I was here… I am here.”
“I miss him so much,” I admit softly. “Every second of every day. Sometimes, without realizing it, my guilt hits. Like with the Easter Bunny… Collin will never have that experience again. And here I am, living my life, taking Rory to see the Easter Bunny, laughing and making new memories while he’s buried in a cemetery. I know my thoughts are irrational—”
“Hell no, they’re not,” he says. “Your thoughts are what drove me to drugs. The guilt I felt over losing her, over not being able to save her. I know we talked about you meeting with Viola for me, but have you considered talking to someone on your own?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask, pulling back and out of his reach. “I’m not going to turn to drugs.” Sure, I had my moments, but I got through the roughest part and made it to the other side.
“I didn’t say you were.” He sighs, and I instantly feel bad for snapping at him. “I was just trying to say that I understand and can relate, and maybe talking to someone will help. You’ve been through a lot and haven’t spoken to anyone about it.”
He makes a valid point, and while I’m doing okay, for the most part, having a panic attack and blacking out from a memory is probably something worth speaking to someone about. Especially since it’s happened before—thankfully before Rory was born and only once afterward, while she was sleeping.
“You’re right,” I concede. “I’m going to talk to someone. It can’t hurt, right?” I drop my head to his shoulder. “Aren’t we quite the pair?”
Gage chuckles. “Hell yeah, we are.”
Since the manager had the photo printed for us, we’re able to leave through the back door so we don’t risk being seen. It’s getting late, so we drive straight to the condo after Gage lets me know that he had someone pack up all our stuff in the hotel room and check us out. I should probably be a bit annoyed that he’s packed up and moved my stuff twice now without my consent, but I’m too appreciative to question it.