Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 98000 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98000 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
The door slams shut, and I’m left alone, the way I was always meant to be.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Tiernan
Dean shouldn’t still be breathing, but he is.
He betrayed me. He lied to me. Yet I’ve still let him walk this earth for over two weeks. My father would kill me himself if he found out. Even Conan would tell me it’s a mistake. It makes me look like an easy target to Dean, and hell, clearly I am. He wants to murder my father. I’m never supposed to let that shit slide, yet…I haven’t done anything. I’ve gone to school and sold drugs and sat in my room, reading and looking at his stupid fucking artwork that’s all a lie too.
I remember him…the quiet boy who liked to color. One day he was there, the next he was gone. I don’t remember much else. I was too young, and I’m surprised I’ve retained even the small amount I have, but…I know I liked him. I thought he was my friend.
Is that why I felt a connection to him from the start? Did something inside me recognize something inside him? And it was all a fucking game. A lie.
My chest aches. I don’t know how that’s possible since Dean scooped everything out of it, leaving it empty, the way it should have always been.
Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Wanting him? Why can’t I do what needs to be done?
There’s a knock on my office door before it slides open to reveal Cillian and Rory.
“Hey…” Cil says softly.
“What do you want?” I snap. I’ve been a dick to both of them, to Aislin too. I can’t get out of this funk, can’t stop missing him and hating myself for it.
“Just coming to see what’s up and give you an update.” Rory sits in a chair.
“So speak.”
Rory rambles on about what’s going on, product and shit like that, but I’m only half listening. I’ve been doing a shitty job of taking care of business. If Rory and Cil hadn’t stepped in, no doubt my father would have my ass in Boston right now.
When he finishes, I nod, but before I can say anything, Cillian says, “What the fuck happened between you two?”
If I tell them, Dean will die. Cillian and Rory won’t hold back. Maybe I should let them, take the power out of my own hands, but I won’t…can’t.
“It ended,” I answer.
Rory starts, “Listen, if there’s something we should know…”
“There’s not.” I drop my elbows against the desk, head in my hands.
Tell them. End this.
But the words don’t come out.
“You love him?” Cillian asks.
I huff and sit back in the chair. “I’m not talking to you two about this shit.”
“Want me to kick his ass?” Rory pops his knuckles.
“I know I’m messing up, but I’ll get my shit together. My fuckin’ head feels like it’s twisted on backward or some shit.”
“That’s why we just fuck,” Rory says.
Cillian thumps him on the head. “Not helping, asshole.” But then he turns to me. “Let’s go out. Get laid. And…maybe it’s better this happened now than later. Look at our parents. They’re all either dead or miserable. This ain’t the life for that shit.”
No, it’s not. It sure hasn’t done my mom any favors, and if what Dean said is true, his dad saw that, and he wanted something different for his wife and son. But in our way of life, that’s not an excuse. He made a decision, and he should have lived by it. That’s what we do.
I nod, unable to find any words to say. Finally, I manage a yes.
“Fuck yes!” Rory rubs his hands together like a TV show villain.
That’s what I need to do. Get Dean out of my system. And hope like hell I never have to kill him.
*
Later that evening, Aislin storms into my room. “Did you tell Dean not to talk to me?” she asks, clearly not caring that I’m in nothing but a towel.
“Yes.”
“Fuck off, Tiernan. You don’t get to do that. I know you two broke up—though I wish I knew why—but it’s not fair that I have to lose him as a friend because of it.”
No, it’s not, but how in the hell can I trust him with her after what he told me? What if he decides to use her to get to my father? Which is another reason he shouldn’t be breathing, but obviously, I’m shit at finishing this.
“It’s for the best.” I pull my boxer briefs on under my towel.
“You treat me like Dad does sometimes,” she says softly. I close my eyes, not having it in me to look at her. “I can make my own choices.”
“I know. And I don’t mean to treat you like him. I know how fucking incredible you are, Ash. I know you can take care of yourself, but I can’t… It would kill me if something happened to you.”