Total pages in book: 180
Estimated words: 168121 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 841(@200wpm)___ 672(@250wpm)___ 560(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 168121 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 841(@200wpm)___ 672(@250wpm)___ 560(@300wpm)
“When they walked him out, he didn’t say good-bye. Didn’t look at me. Probably too afraid to draw Roy’s attention.”
He cupped her face and kissed her lips. “It’s unfathomable. You are so precious, how could anyone walk away from you?”
She rubbed a finger over the deep lines fanning out from the corners of his eyes. Roy shared Jay’s sentiment, but Roy’s was a sick selfish kind of obsession. “So that’s it. Took me two years to escape. Met you four years after that.”
“Charlee.” He shook his head. “We need to talk about those two years, and whatever happened in your second kidnapping.”
Full disclosure. She’d vowed not to hide from it. “Ask me then.”
“You were a virgin?” The low dangerous level of his tone said he already knew the answer.
She nodded. “That night, I learned that sex didn’t require my permission. He took it, regardless of how hard I fought. Anal, vaginal, oral. In that order. Most of the scars you saw were inflicted in the first few hours.”
His body vibrated beneath her, rotating the air with the violence of his breath.
“It’s in the past, Jay.” She smoothed her hand over his jaw. “The only things he got from me were what he took from me. Even the orgasms.” The last word was a whisper.
Heat reddened his face behind hard eyes. “Tell me about that.” He seemed to be hanging onto his anger by a fragile tether.
“Jay, I don’t think—”
“Tell me, goddammit.”
A swallow scorched down her raw throat. “When I wouldn’t come or feel anything when he fucked me, he hit me harder, fucked me harder.” The words clawed at her throat as she forced them out. “It made him so mad when I hid inside myself. He wanted to possess me in every way and had found a way to draw me out. He used my body against me, made me feel, and forced me to orgasm when I tried to hide from his touch.” Her mouth went dry. “He’d had plenty of practice over the first two years and learned how to control my body better than I could.”
For a long moment, the only sound in the room was the grinding of his teeth. “And you can’t come now?”
“I can. On my own, when I concentrate on remembered pain. Or in my sessions, when I have the physical pain to focus on.”
“Because you’ve been conditioned to associate pleasure with pain.”
What did he think of her? She trembled. No one would want such a damaged, ruined girl. He could do so much better. “Yeah.”
“What kind of pain do you need?”
Was he considering doing this for her? “A backhand across the face. A choking restraint. Dry penetration. Those are mild forms, but they might work.”
“Mild?” he croaked, shoving a hand through his hair. “Christ, Charlee.” He stared at her. “Maybe when you’re with me, you could try to just think about the pain like you do when you’re alone.”
He wanted honesty. “Do you want me thinking about Roy when you’re fucking me?”
He flinched like she’d punched him, and she realized she’d just implied she had to think of another man to get off while with him.
“Jay, I didn’t mean you don’t turn me on, because I’ve never felt as good as I do with you. But when I recall pain, I instantly think of—”
“I know, Charlee. I don’t like it, but I understand.” He hugged her, resting his lips on her forehead. “We’ll figure out another way.”
In the warmth of his embrace and the stillness of the confined room, her swirling emotions abated. When she leaned back to look at him, his face was clouded in thought.
“What is it?”
His eyes cleared and found hers. “Does Roy have other women he dominates or enslaves?”
She shook her head. “He’s tried with others, but he told me I was the only one it worked out with.”
The emotion rolling off him was stifling. He lifted her hand to his lips, kissed her wrist, and his other hand clenched her waist. “Maybe Roy saw something in you. Something a sadist cannot resist possessing. And if I were honest, Charlee, I have an overwhelming need to possess you, too. What’s that make me?”
“Someone who will hold me so close Roy will never be able to wrench me away.”
He squeezed her to him. “Damn straight.”
“Good. We’ll figure out the rest, okay?” Her stomach growled. “We should eat.” She sagged against him, finally giving into the weariness of the long day. “Then I’m going to face plant somewhere.”
He kissed her nose, chuckling as he hoisted her to her feet. She noticed his hands remained on her hips, supporting her, making sure she wouldn’t fall. She had a feeling he’d never let her fall.
50
Jay carried a sleeping Charlee through the spacious living room and toward his wing of the band’s Los Feliz home. They had both fallen asleep on the jet after dinner, and she conked out again on the way from the airport. The fact that she didn’t wake when he lifted her from the car was a testament to how long the day had been.