Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
We lay there until the house got dark, evening turning to night as we stayed in a huddled mass of tangled limbs on the floor.
“We’re gonna do this,” he said, fingers knotting in my sweaty hair. “We’re gonna do it.”
“What you are, I am,” I replied, and felt him smile against my skin.
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
Joey
We had to wait until the weekend because we couldn’t get time off that quickly, but as soon as we got off work Friday evening, we drove to Northern California. Romeo and Mouse had loaned us a vehicle that would do better on the snow-covered mountain passes.
It was a somber drive, neither of us having much energy since our breakdown a few days earlier. Plus, we were going to a place we hated, one where the only real good memories were of each other and our closest friends. We’d lost so much in Hendersonville, so much in our lives altogether, that I hoped, we hoped, that by coming here, by saying goodbye and taking back our lives, we could finally move forward.
I looked over at Gage while he drove—my beautiful Gage with his big heart, so big, I didn’t know how it fit in his chest. People were all so unique, all so special, our brains and hearts working in distinct ways, seeing through different eyes, feeling in our own ways.
I looked at Gage and saw hope. I saw someone who would go to the ends of the earth for a person they loved. A man willing to lose the one he loved most in the world—me—because he thought it was best for me. A boy who had the compassion to stick up for another boy he didn’t know, and then to stick by him from that day forward. A man who worked hard and kept going, even when he struggled a little more. One who listened to audiobooks and read in bed with me, even when it made him insecure, because he wanted to get better.
How could Gage not love who he was? How could he not see how incredible he was? But that was what made us human, wasn’t it? Because I was sure Gage saw in me things I didn’t see in myself. Being human was messy and painful, but goddamn, it was worth it too. Life was worth it—the smile on Olivia’s face, laughing with Mouse, Romeo’s big heart, being in Gage’s arms.
I was determined to find a way to live for those things—not for Gage, but for me, with him.
Hendersonville had one small hotel, but by unspoken agreement, Gage stopped in a neighboring town for the night, and I breathed a sigh of relief. We had to go there, it was important that we did, but I didn’t want to sleep there.
The old, cheap, roadside chain hotel we found was all we could afford, but really, it didn’t matter. We weren’t the kind of people to care where we slept.
We had greasy food at a diner and then went back to the room and showered together. We held each other all night, knowing we had a lot to do the next day…which came too soon.
We rose with the sun, our night’s sleep restless and fitful.
Another shower.
Another greasy meal.
“Is your stomach as upset as mine?” Gage asked as I drove into Hendersonville.
“Yeah, it’s a mess.”
We went to my old house first. It had been empty since everything happened. The windows were boarded up, something Mouse said she and Romeo had done during one of their visits. Kids had painted graffiti on it. It looked…sad, but then it had always looked that way to me. The only true happy memories in that house had been with Gage, Mouse, or Romeo. I’d thought over the years about selling it, but I never had. I didn’t want the money.
“There’s one of our spots.” I pointed to where we’d lain in the leaves a lifetime ago.
“I remember feeling weird that day…my stomach all fluttery. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, wouldn’t know what it meant until I was seventeen, but I think that’s when I fell in love with you,” Gage said softly.
It was as if we were reaching out and grabbing it—that moment in time, our happy memory—claiming it again, taking it as ours because that was what mattered and not the bad shit.
“I always knew, from the first day of school, but in the leaves, I fell in love with you more. You were vulnerable with me. You gave me a real piece of yourself, trusted me. It made me feel like I could fly.”
“You have all the pieces of me, Jojo.”
We interlaced our fingers and walked toward the house.
We had to break in, but it wasn’t difficult. The second I stepped inside, it felt like darkness tried to wrap its hands around me, but then Gage was there, always there, replacing it with him touching me.