Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
He shoved a hand between us, and I pulled back, giving him space so he could work his dick. He jacked himself, eyes trained on me like he was in a trance. I knew I was with him. He was so hot, so tight, my balls ached to fill him, to come inside him, my load right where it belonged.
“God, yes…yes.” He arched toward me, his eyes pinched shut as he jacked himself through his orgasm. As soon as he shot, his hole clamped around me, and I lost myself to it too, spinning and flying as I filled him.
When he’d wrung me dry, I lay on him, kissed him, opened my mouth and let the words spill free. “Move in with me…officially. Let’s get rid of your apartment and find a place that’s ours.”
Joey tensed beneath me, hesitated, and my chest caved in.
“It’s okay. I don’t want to rush you.”
“No. I want to. I do. I love you. You just caught me off guard.”
Had I really, though? We lived together anyway. It hurt that he needed to keep his independence, that he didn’t trust that I wasn’t going away.
But then, I understood it too. If he didn’t let himself fully want, if he didn’t let himself believe this was it, he wouldn’t be as hurt if it all fell apart like before.
I rolled off him, but Joey didn’t let me go far. He turned with me, looked down at me. “I mean it. Let’s do it.”
“I don’t want you to feel obligated. I don’t want to do it if you’re not ready.” Was I ready? I thought so. This was Joey. I would always want Joey.
“I’m ready,” he said softly, then laid his head on my chest. “I love you.”
I kissed the top of his head, the moment ruined, heaviness all around us. “I love you too.”
CHAPTER FIFTY
Joey
After we got home, we didn’t mention our discussion about me getting rid of my apartment and officially moving in with Gage or about looking for a place of our own. I felt like I was letting him down, like I’d ruined something, and I couldn’t understand why I was so scared. Gage was my heart. What he was, I was. We’d always said that, so I couldn’t make sense of why I would hold back, why I wouldn’t be jumping for joy that we were moving forward in this way.
What’s wrong with me?
Maybe I couldn’t be optimistic anymore. Maybe I couldn’t be happy. Maybe I would be the one to hurt Gage.
I already had.
He was sleeping beside me. We’d been home a couple of days now. I was still in his bed every night and came home to him after work. We had dinner together and talked, but things were strained between us, different, and I didn’t know what to say to fix it, how to even begin.
“Jojo,” he mumbled softly beside me. I turned to look at him, but he wasn’t awake. “Jojo,” he said again, more urgent this time. “Where are you? I’m sorry. I can’t find you.”
He began to jerk around some, twitching and reaching in his sleep. My heart dropped, blood pounding in my ears as I shook him gently. “Hey, Gage. Wake up, baby. You’re dreaming.”
I could see him well enough in the dark, and when his eyes popped open, I noticed they were glossy with unshed tears.
Guilt made my head throb and my heart crumble. “Hey, I’m right here. I’m always right here. I’m not going anywhere ever. I swear.”
I grabbed him, pulled him into my arms, and he came easily, let me wrap myself around him like a cocoon, arms and legs. We were as close as we could possibly get, but it still wasn’t close enough.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I am. I love you. You know I love you, right?”
“I know.” It was one of the only times Gage had ever lied to me. I didn’t think he even realized it, not in that moment.
“I love you. I’m going to fix it.” Fix me.
“I couldn’t find you,” he whispered. “It was dark again…don’t know where we were. I kept calling your name, and you’d call back. I’d follow your voice, but it kept getting farther and farther away. At first, I thought someone was taking you away from me, but they weren’t. You were running.”
Bile climbed up my throat. My stomach twisted as I fought the urge to throw up. “I would never run from you. What you are, I am, remember?”
He didn’t reply, just held me tighter the rest of the night.
A couple of days after New Year’s I had my appointment with Rose. I’d tried to get in earlier but couldn’t because of the holiday. The second I walked into her office, I said to her, “Gage asked me to move in with him. I’m basically living with him anyway, so I don’t get why I’m freaking out. He wants me to get rid of my apartment and for us to look for a place that’s just ours. I want that; I really do. That was our dream. That’s the life we were supposed to have, so why am I losing my shit? Why aren’t I jumping at this opportunity? What’s wrong with me?”