Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75650 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75650 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
“But I should be looking after you, yes…?”
Should he? I don’t even know anymore. “It’s not important. Really. And the small sled means I can drag it along behind me more easily—”
The look on his face is aghast. “You are going to drag your own sled?”
I snap at that. “Do you see anyone else that’s going to do it for me?” I hold up Pacy. “Maybe our son?”
Pacy makes a high-pitched baby squeal and reaches out for Pashov.
Pashov, meanwhile, is frozen in place. I don’t know if it’s because I just lost my temper or because I’m holding a baby up in front of him that’s half his. He looks over at me, and then puts his hands out. “May I…hold him?”
Did I think my heart was done breaking? It’s breaking all over again right now. “Of course.”
I hand over Pacy and watch to see how Pashov holds him. Will it be with the casual effortlessness of a father accustomed to slinging his son onto his hip? Or will he hold him gingerly like he’s never held a baby before?
As I watch, Pashov pulls the baby against his chest and studies him for a long moment, face solemn. Pacy, of course, is just thrilled at the familiar face and gurgles happily, smacking a little four-fingered hand against Pashov’s chin. Pashov looks surprised, and then laughs. “He is strong!”
“He is.” My voice catches a little. “You always used to joke that he was going to wrestle Vektal for the chiefdom.”
“Did I? It sounds like something I would say.” He grins, a dimple flashing as he touches Pacy’s little nose.
Seeing them together, I can’t decide if I’m filled with joy or anguish. I should be able to tell the two apart, but they seem to be inexplicably intertwined nowadays. The smile on his face is pure delight, though, and I hold my breath, hoping that he’s going to remember something. Anything.
“Why is his name Pay-see?” He trips over the syllables.
Just like that, my hope is extinguished again. “We’ve taken on the custom of mashing two names together. Part human, and part sa-khui.”
He nods slowly and grabs Pacy’s little hand in his own, gazing down at the four fingers there. “It is odd to see the elements combined.”
“Odd? My son isn’t odd. Your son isn’t odd!” I reach forward and snatch my baby back out of his arms.
Pashov looks surprised at my reaction. “I only meant—”
I hug Pacy close. He wails and tries to push away from me, wanting to go back to his father. I don’t blame him. I’m overreacting. Being a jerk. It’s just that everything Pashov says feels like a dagger right to the freaking heart. “I know. I’m sorry. This is all very hard for me.”
He nods slowly. “I will not bother you anymore. I am sorry.”
I close my eyes and turn my back to him. Did he think he was bothering me? I’m going to fall asleep tonight dreaming of that smile when he held his son. I want to tell him that he’s not bugging me, that I want him to stick around so we can talk and maybe get to comfortable ground somewhere in the middle. But the knot in my throat sticks, and it takes me a long moment before I can compose myself enough to speak.
But when I open my eyes and turn around, Pashov is gone. He’s walked away with the others, the sled tugged along behind him. He doesn’t want to hang around me, then, but he also won’t forget his duty. I ache at the sight and wish I’d said something. That I want him to stay.
Perhaps when we stop for a rest tonight, I’ll talk to him. I’ll have all day to think of something to say that won’t trigger defensiveness on either side. I just have to figure out what.
“Come on, let’s get you bundled up and into your papoose,” I tell Pacy, pressing kisses to his tiny brow. This one, at least, I can shower with love.
PASHOV
I grip the small sled I have taken from Stay-see and try to find a measure of calm. Up ahead, Vektal is waving us forward. The journey begins, and those with the heaviest sleds take up the lead. They will set the pace, and we will all stay together. Some of the unmated hunters move toward the back of our group, waiting to help out when necessary, and to protect us as we leave a trail wide enough for a blind metlak to follow.
And even though I am trying to calm my mind, I watch Stay-see. She moves forward, adjusting her hood. Her kit is on her back, strapped into the strange carrier. He is sleeping, his face little more than a blue circle surrounded by plush white dvisti fur. I watch her move, her steps strong and steady as she plunges ahead. She follows the rutted trail left behind by Vektal’s sled at the forefront. She is moving fast now, but most of the other females are riding on the sleds of their mates. Leezh walks alongside her mate, but he carries their kit and hauls the sled behind him. Jo-see chatters happily to her mate from her seat behind him, on their sled, and my brother Zennek is taking one last moment to tuck an extra fur blanket around his mate. The females are tended to and cared for. Of course they are. The walk will be a long one, and she will tire soon enough.