Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
And she doesn’t say it outright, but I can feel her waiting for me to screw it up.
“You’re not used to being managed,” Callum observes.
“Not on a micro level.” My lips twitch a bit. “Maybe you can give her some management tips.”
Callum laughs from deep in his belly. “I’m going to guess her need for control has to do with the fact her life is completely out of control.”
“That’s definitely understandable, but I don’t even know what the rules are. One wrong move and it’s like I’m in the penalty box with Maddie glaring at me. I promised Gray I’d always be there for him, and I’m doing as he wanted, but Maddie doesn’t want me involved. I think it might be a constant battle to try to be what they both need.”
He nods slowly. “Listen. You don’t have to do it alone. Lean on your Titans family because that’s what we’re here for. But if I can give a word of advice?”
I blink at him, wondering why he’s asking that. Of course I’ll take the advice.
“I think you need to discuss these worries with Maddie. She needs to know how you feel.”
Wait! What? Share my feelings? Yeah, don’t think so. “I’ll consider it.”
Callum cocks an eyebrow, clearly not believing me. “Here’s what you need to remember. Being a parent doesn’t mean erasing yourself. A good parent is present, yes, but also shows their kid what a full, joyful life looks like. If you lose yourself, what are you modeling for Grayce?”
His words ring true. And heavy. Too heavy. I shift in my seat.
“Balance,” he says firmly. “Grayce deserves your best. That includes the part of you that loves this game. The part that needs his friends. Don’t let any of this turn you into someone you’re not.”
♦
By the time I get back down to the locker room, the energy has shifted. Music blares, sticks are being taped, guys are ribbing each other with playoff energy. I force myself not to let it bounce off the armor I have in place. I force an opening and let the giddiness of the playoffs seep into me.
I spot Kace leaning against his cubby, scrolling on his phone.
I hesitate, Maddie’s voice in my head. We’re not friends, Atlas.
Callum’s reminder not to erase myself. Balance. Titans family.
The uncertainty is gone and I head his way. “Hey man,” I say, and he looks at me.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“I’m in tonight.”
Kace grins and holds out his fist. I bump it hard. “Excellent. Like I said, first round’s on me.”
“Can’t wait.”
My decision tastes like relief. And guilt.
Both burning all the way down.
CHAPTER 10
Maddie
The clock on the microwave glows 2:07 a.m. in an insistent green that makes my eyes ache. The house is settled, only the hum of the refrigerator competing for space with the periodic crackle of the baby monitor sitting on the table.
Steam wafts up from my mug of tea, bringing the fragrance along with it. I don’t drink tea, and I don’t particularly like the smell. The only reason it sits before me is because I can’t sleep and I googled the chamomile tea I found in Atlas’s cupboard. It seems a promising aid to my current insomnia.
Grayce finally went back to sleep about an hour ago. She started fussing and tugging at her ear after dinner. She doesn’t have a temperature, so I’m guessing she is either teething or she has an earache. I gave her a measured dose of children’s acetaminophen, put Gray’s “You Are My Sunshine” on repeat, and rocked with her until her breathing evened out. When I settled her in the crib, she rolled onto her side and tucked her fist under her cheek, the telltale sign that she’s down deep.
The front door opens softly, almost like an apology. I stay quiet in my dining table seat, hidden mostly by the gloom as Atlas enters the kitchen.
He’s a shadow, large and looming, but in no way threatening.
I received a text, presumably after the game was over—and I’m not quite sure about that as I didn’t watch it—but he said he was going out with some teammates and he’d be home around midnight. I didn’t respond because it’s none of my business or concern.
Atlas flips on the kitchen light, shock registering in wide eyes when he sees me. I look to the clock again—2:08 a.m.
I take a sip of tea I barely taste and push the fact that he’s two hours later than when he said he’d be home out of my mind. I refuse to obsess over whether this is an indication of his trustworthiness.
He sets his keys down carefully, like he’s afraid I might bolt. “Why are you up?”
“Grayce has had a hard time sleeping.”
Concern flickers across his face, mixed with possibly a little guilt. He knows Grayce is pretty much normally sleeping through the night. He rounds the island but stops a foot away, as if there’s tape on the floor he knows not to cross. “Is she okay?”