Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 93929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
“What’s your point?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Just talking out loud. You’re married to that girl now, which means it doesn’t matter how you feel about her family. She’s your future.”
I don’t look at her. I can’t, not right now. She’ll see through me in a second. She’ll know that Caroline and I made a deal and there’s no tomorrow for whatever we are.
Except that thought bothers me. It nags at the back of my mind. Why not? Why does it have to be that way? It’s the deal we struck, but now that I’ve been living with her, it’s like she’s slowly worming her way into my life.
And I find I don’t want to let her go when all this is over.
I think back to that night. Back to when Caroline rushed out of her hiding spot and bashed her brother in the face with a hammer. I should’ve been elated to see Redmond murdered that way, by his own sister, right in the middle of beating his own mother. Nobody deserved a more brutal death more than him.
Except all I could think was: oh, fuck, she’s in danger, I have to save her.
Why did I care so much? What did it matter to me? Caroline’s a Flanagan… I’m supposed to despise her.
But I don’t.
“You have that lost-in-thought look again,” Mom says gently.
I grin at her, shoving my mask back into place. “I don’t do deep, you know that.”
“Of all my boys, you’re the best liar. I know better than to believe a word you say.”
“I’d be insulted if that weren’t true.”
“I just…” She stops walking. Her grip on my arm tightens. “I’m scared for what you’re doing, Finn.”
I look at her, my smile taking on a desperate edge. “What do you mean? It’s only marriage. Don’t half of those fail anyway?”
“Not that. I know it’s you. Don’t try to lie to me again.” Her grip is hard as iron now. Gone is the frail old woman. In her place is Siobhan Whelan, the queen of the Whelan clan, and I wonder if her old-lady routine isn’t a mask just like the one I wear.
My heart quickens. A dozen thoughts rush through my head. But even though she knows I’m good at spouting bullshit, I absolutely hate lying to her face. It’s one thing to hide it, but another to consciously choose to feed her stories.
“You can’t be sure of that,” I say softly. “Nobody can. That’s the whole point.”
“It’s you and it always was you. I know why you’re doing it, Finn, and I don’t even blame you, but please—” She pulls me tighter, staring into my face. “You’re going to get caught. You have to stop.”
“I can’t.”
She shakes her head. “You’ll ruin that girl. You know it, right? She’s involved. There’s no doubt in my mind. No way you two can be married and she wouldn’t know something’s happening. Tell me you’re not directly dragging her into this nightmare.”
Shame washes over me. I glance down at the ground. “She knows what she’s doing. Her reasons are even better than mine.”
“Oh, Finn.” Mom sounds so disappointed. I hate that so much, but she doesn’t understand. If anything, she should be rooting me on. I’m fixing the mistakes she made all those years ago. Mom’s the only one who really understood the extent of what they did to me, but she swept it under the rug, just like Dad. I should hate her for it, but I don’t. In some ways, I understand it all, even if it makes me sick.
“You don’t get to judge.” My tone is ice now. “Not this, and you know damn well why.”
“I know, and that’s why I haven’t told your brother yet, but he’s going to find out. They’re all going to find out. Do you think he can protect you when the truth comes out?”
“I don’t need his protection.”
“I’m sorry, Finn, but you will, and Declan won’t care. You know how he is.”
“Stickler for rules.” I smile fondly. “It’s his worst trait.”
“They’ll kill you, and if Caroline is involved too, they’ll bury her next to you. Please, Finn, I’m begging you. Stop before it’s too late.”
The earnestness in her voice gets to me. I can see Caroline rushing Redmond with that hammer all over again, taking that stupid, reckless risk, almost destroying everything. I see her beating him, vicious and crazy, and I feel her in my lap, shuddering with ecstasy and wondering if she’s broken and evil. If we keep going, what will happen to her?
I don’t care if I end up dead. I never really believed I’d survive killing her entire family. I’m arrogant, but not stupid.
So why get her involved? Why keep dragging her along? I didn’t care at first—she’s a Flanagan, after all—but I feel it now.
I don’t want her to get hurt.