Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 121854 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121854 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
Aodhan’s expression turned stark. “He has so many strikes against him. What are the chances he’ll make it?”
“At least now he has the opportunity to try.” Illium moved his fingers on Aodhan’s feathers with careful gentleness. “I spoke to Keir because he knows all of what happened to you—I thought you wouldn’t mind. I didn’t ask him about your private conversations,” he clarified. “I wouldn’t cross that boundary.”
“I know.” Aodhan stroked Smoke. “What did you ask him?”
“Well, while I was out there all alone obsessing about you, I realized that you haven’t physically been with anyone for over two hundred years.” Not since the rotting dead couple for whom no one mourned and even fewer remembered had taken that which was not theirs to take. “I asked Keir for general advice on how to do things right, so I didn’t hurt you.”
“There you go, looking after me again.” A hard line to Aodhan’s jaw.
Illium threw up his hands, not about to bend on this integral aspect of his personality. “You agreed I could.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, Aodhan exhaled, then opened them again. “Yes, I did. I’m just angry and not at you. What did Keir say?”
“Nothing. He said he needed to speak to the two of us together so as not to betray any confidences.” Frustrated as he’d been by that answer, Illium’s respect for the healer had grown ever deeper. “But he gave me a book.”
Going to his bedroom, he retrieved a small book bound in leather, its pages browned, and took it to the living area, where Aodhan yet stood. “It’s old, from Keir’s private collection. He lent it to me for as long as we need it.” Throat dry, he said the most important words. “It’s healers’ wisdom from long ago, about how a person can reclaim their body after an experience where the choice to share that body was taken from them.”
He held his breath when Aodhan went motionless. Never did he want to hurt this man who was his forever, but they had to talk about this. Illium had hoped all his preparation was for naught, that their kisses and touches in China evidenced that Aodhan was no longer in pain from the wounds that had stolen his light from the world for centuries…but China had been the beginning, hadn’t it? Small, snatched glimpses of what could be.
Tonight was the first time Illium had touched Aodhan’s bare skin with carnal intent. And while Aodhan’s female abductor might have tried for kisses, Illium knew Aodhan had never given them to her. Her pressing her lips forcefully against his mouth didn’t count, would never count. So Aodhan could kiss Illium, could hold Illium.
But the rest? Being touched in intimate ways that were only ever meant to be a gift given?
That had been stolen from him while he lay broken, having been made too weak to fight back, his psyche debased as his physical being was violated over and over again.
“I conquered the monsters who took me,” Aodhan said softly, his eyes on the brilliant night of their beloved city, “but no, I haven’t shared my body with anyone since. Before you, Sachieri and Bathar were my last experience of touch beyond that of polite contact or of healing.”
Shifting to lean one shoulder against the window, Illium reached out to scratch Smoke on the head in the spot she liked. Her eyes went heavy-lidded, the rhythm of her purr that of a small engine. “The book says that often, such trauma only rears its head in an analogous situation.”
“Blue, the one thing I can say for certain is that there is nothing in your touch that is like theirs.” Pure anger in the hard glint of Aodhan’s eyes.
7
Many people would’ve flinched from the taut bite of Aodhan’s anger; it was a thing as controlled and deadly as a scalpel in a surgeon’s hand. Slow though Aodhan was to anger, when he did give in to the emotion, it was with the same intense passion that he brought to his art. But Illium had been tangling with his lover’s quiet but intractable temper near to his entire lifetime.
He stood firm.
“This is a bruise that goes to the soul, Adi. The healers’ book also says that it only becomes apparent when there is infinite trust between both parties.” Aodhan could allow the fear to rise because he trusted Illium not to take advantage of it.
His best friend’s jawline didn’t soften, but he said, “I’ll read it,” in a voice that was pure rough grit.
“Why don’t we read it together?” Shoving aside his own rage at people long dead, Illium tried out his most charming smile. “While I’m snuggled up to you and you’re giving me a shoulder massage.”
Aodhan’s lips twitched. “You just want a shoulder massage.”
To see his Sparkle’s smile return even that much, it made Illium’s heart turn cartwheels. “I mean, two birds and all that.” Reaching out, he ran his fingers through Aodhan’s hair, fascinated as always by how soft it was when it glittered so diamond bright.