Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 76664 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76664 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
It was Emily, and I loved her instantly.
Truly, the devotion was immediate and profound.
Sometimes, you meet someone and just know your life—and heart—will never be the same. I knew right away with Em.
And here are four things you should know about my new mum:
Why my Mum is the Best Mum
(and I love her SOOOOO much)
1. She is unfailingly kind, deeply loyal, and fantastically funny (And occasionally a tiny bit anxious, just like me.)
2. She makes the very best chicken and rice with vegetables and never makes me feel guilty for having a fussy tummy that requires homemade dog food. (Preferably served in the bone china or the good crystal my grand mum, Gretchen, brings for me when she visits us at our apartment.)
3. She throws fantastic parties.
4. Her bosom is the best bosom. Second to none.
My only complaint about Mum’s bosom, in fact, is that Dad is so often “all up in it” as Emily’s friends from America would say.
Which is ridiculous, really! He’s much too large to fit neatly between her breasts for a cuddle, the way I do.
Nevertheless, he insists on trying.
Again and again.
Like now, for instance…
The sun is setting on a gorgeous lawn party, the Midsummer bonfire is lit, and it’s the perfect time to pull up a chair—and a corgi—and have an after-dinner snuggle in front of the fire.
And perhaps a few roasted marshmallows, which I do very much enjoy…
But no, Dad still has Mum clasped tight in his arms, her bosom pressed tight to his chest as they sway in the field of wildflowers at the edge of the Swallow House grounds. There’s not even any music! But still, they’re dancing.
And gazing into each other’s eyes, the way they do before they disappear into their bedroom and close the door.
I half expect them to make a dash for Swallow House the way they did during the last lawn party, leaving me to fend for myself at the bonfire until they finally return, rumpled and flushed.
Instead, Dad suddenly drops down on one knee, Mum’s hands fly to cover her mouth, and everyone at the party begins to gasp and murmur.
Vivian, Dad’s mum, whispers, “Oh, look! How romantic, I’m so pleased,” and Suze, Dad’s grandmother, replies, “Took him long enough. He should have locked that fantastic girl down in January, if you ask me.”
Then Auntie Izzie—who just broke off her engagement with a terrible rat-faced man Mum refers to as “That Nasty Shit Weasel,” and is currently emotionally fragile—starts to sniffle as she agrees, “They’re so perfect together. I know they’ll always be so happy.”
Maya, Mum’s best friend, pulls Izzie in for a hug, murmuring, “They will, and so will you, sweetheart. There are great things ahead for you, I just know it.”
Then, Mum nods “yes,” and Dad slides a ring on her finger, while everyone at the party cheers and cheers.
And then, they’re hugging again, and twirling and laughing, and I have a feeling I’m shut out of Mum’s bosom for the rest of the night.
But that’s all right, I decide, wagging my tail in fierce congratulations as Mum and Dad rejoin the party on the lawn. Because my favorite humans are getting married! And soon we’ll be a proper family, the kind that stays together forever and ever.
And they will never get another dog.
Only a cat, maybe, because we all really like cats.
Especially Thomas, the barn cat who lives in the Swallow House garden, and helpfully licks my head clean after Uncle Peter spills champagne on me during the toast to Mum and Dad’s engagement.
Thomas is a lovely friend, a fact he proves by giving Suze’s dog, Jasper, a slap on the nose when he tries to steal the marshmallow treat Mum gives me.
Jasper has a very hard time respecting boundaries when food is involved, but he’s working at it. Just like Jezebel, his sister, is working on not chasing the seagulls, and I’m working on sharing Mum’s bosom with more generosity of spirit.
I’m making progress, I really am, but when Emily pulls me in for a cuddle later, wrapping my ears in a scarf to protect them from the big bangs as the fireworks explode over the sea, I do not complain. I just snuggle into her bosom and count my blessings.
Of which there are many.