Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
I breathe for a few seconds. In and out. I swallow too, to get the lump of emotion down. I also fist and unfist my fingers at my sides. Just so I don’t punch him in the face. Because like always, he has managed to do both, make me cry while being angry at him. And even though I expected it, it’s not all that easy to bear.
But I can’t dwell on it. I can’t dwell on the hurt when I knew he’d bite me. I knew he had sharp teeth. So I get to this last piece of business between us. I dig into my pajama pockets and retrieve the thing that’s been burning a hole in my nightstand drawer, even at my old apartment.
“I think you should take this back,” I say, thrusting it at him.
He glances down and I don’t have to guess what he thinks about it, that I’m giving him back his money. The cash he gave me that night. He was wrong. It wasn’t double of what he gave Bridgette. It was more than triple. It was over ten thousand dollars. And I know he gave it to me to help me. So I could maybe go a few weeks or even a couple of months without having to look for a second job. He probably also knew I wouldn’t take any more than that from him so it was another one of the things he prepared for when he came that night.
He’s visibly furious. Because not only does his jaw harden, I notice the lines of his body going rigid as well. Especially his shoulders and the bulges of his biceps, and I really wish he was wearing a shirt, so I didn’t have to see how his whole body grows scary when he’s angry.
But again, I have to persevere. “And I think…” I trail off for a second because he looks up, his eyes flickering with threats too. “I think you should also d-delete that video. From your phone.”
For some reason, that cuts me more than giving him his money back. Because that video was… It was my gift to him. I know he only wanted to record me out of revenge and to humiliate me. But I put on a show for him because I wanted to. Because I wanted him to remember the first night I decided to give myself to him. It was special to me. Precious.
And so was everything that came after. I know it’s crazy to think of it that way but I loved how he pushed me, made me feel things I’ve never felt before. That I could only feel with him. That deep sense of trust, safety, submission. Knowing that he’d take care of me. Knowing I could be that open with him, and he wouldn’t hurt me.
He did but not in that way. He broke my heart but somehow my trust in him is even stronger now than it was before. But it needs to go, the video, the money, everything. Because it’s a fresh start.
“Why?” he asks.
“Because we’re… Because you’re my stepbrother and I’m your s-stepsister. It’s not… appropriate. You—”
“Not that either,” he clips.
“What?”
“You may be the sister of my new sister but you’re not my fucking sister,” he bites out.
I flinch again. “Stepsister.”
“Whatever the fuck. You’re not anything that involves the word ‘sister.’”
My breath hiccups and I say, “I’ve felt so guilty for lying to you. To Callie. To the rest of your family for so long. I’ve felt so… unclean. Every time I talked to my best friend, I felt like I was betraying her. Every time I came around and saw your brothers, it felt like my shoulders would cave in from the weight of all my secrets and… Secrets hurt. They always end up ruining things. They hurt you. They made you so angry. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. Especially not your family. That’s somehow my family too now. Something I’ve never had and… Snow’s family. She’s lived with uncertainty for so long and I don’t… I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize her happiness. Not to mention, we need to find a way to co-exist in this house and everything that happened between us… So please, take this money and delete that video because I don’t want any more secrets than what we already have.”
For a few long moments, he doesn’t say anything. He simply watches me with an impassive but an unforgivable expression and I don’t know what to think. I realize I’m still holding the money out to him, so I lower my arm and put the cash back in my pocket because I already know he’s not going to take it. No matter what.
And it’s as if he was waiting for me to realize that, that no, he’s not going to take the money back, because as soon I do put it in my pocket, he moves. First, he throws the crushed bottle away and the crinkling sound of it falling makes me wince. Then he closes the rest of the distance between us and while I’ve been closer to him than this, I’ve literally been wrapped around his body in the past, this somehow feels closer.