Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
“I don’t…” I frown. “Understand.”
He shakes his head once. “You don’t need to.”
That was strange. And maybe I shouldn’t be going down this road, but I know I won’t get another chance like this. Another chance to be this close to him, to ask him things. “Do you love her?”
He goes still. Or at least, it feels like that. The expression on his face freezes. His chest stops moving. Even his grip on me feels tight but immobile. It only lasts a second though, all of this. Like a hiccup in time. In a flash, he’s back to being all intense and staring. “What do you think?”
“You,”—I lick my lips—“proposed to her.”
He glances down at my mouth for a second. “There’s your answer then.”
I swallow; he’s right. Why else would he propose to her if he didn’t love her? That was a stupid question. So I ask a new one, a more important one. “Why her?”
He keeps his gaze steady. “The heart wants what it wants, doesn’t it?”
I swallow again, this time with difficulty because I know what he means. I know exactly, in great detail, what he means. Then, nodding, “I’m happy for you.”
“Are you?”
“Yes. You deserve it.”
His grip tightens then. “What do you know about what I deserve?”
“You deserve all the good things,” I say honestly, with all my heart. “All the happy things. It’s the least the universe can give you, right? After everything you and your family have endured. All the abuse, the tragedy. All the ways fate tried to break you. You didn’t though. You and your siblings didn’t break. In fact, you rose up from it. You came out on the other side and… I know it’s just a story for the world. A tale of woe and triumph but… You lived through it and I can’t even imagine how. All I know is I couldn’t have done it myself. No one could have. No one in this town or anywhere else.”
I can’t believe I said all that. I know I did it without thinking. I did it without provocation or any segue. But I’ve wanted to say this for a long time now. For years. Since the first night I snuck over to their house.
I wanted to say it because this is the exact reason why I haven’t told them the truth. I could’ve told Callie back in high school. I could’ve told her any number of times over the last few years we’ve been friends. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to dredge up the past. They have built a life for themselves, a good life, a happy life. A life they all fought for. A life away from the monster their father is, and I can’t drag them back. They deserve to move on from him, from the past.
He deserves that.
Sometimes I think he deserves it more than any of them. Mostly because a lot of people would disagree with me on this. Their first choice would be either Conrad, who gave up everything to raise his siblings. Or even Stellan, who became Conrad’s right-hand man from a pretty young age. Not Shepard though, never him. They’d dismiss him without a second glance.
Because at first sight, he doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’d take care of anyone other than himself. He doesn’t look like someone you could depend on. Yes, he’s the captain of his team, a disciplined athlete, but other than that, it doesn’t look like he’s the guy—who loves to party and have fun, who loves to be the center of attention and provocative—to offer anything meaningful to anyone.
But what they don’t know is, growing up, Shepard had been the only one who could calm Ledger down. The youngest Thorne brother has always had anger issues, and it was Shepard who always stood by his side while the others condemned Ledger. It was Shepard who got him drafted to New York City FC, when no team would touch Ledger. Even now, years later, Shepard is the one who comes back home more than any other Thorne brother.
In fact, Callie let it slip that Shepard is now the sole owner of their childhood home. Conrad wanted to sell it off, but Shep bought it from him and now it’s his house. Something about that tugs at my heart. That’s where I saw him first. That’s where I felt that intense connection with him.
Something about his dichotomy tugs at my heart too. How people see him as a carefree soccer superstar and a playboy; someone they shouldn’t bother digging deeper with because he seems so open and fun. In fact, sometimes I think that’s what he wants people to believe, so he goes out of his way to pretend to be that. But that’s exactly what it is: a pretense, a façade. Underneath, I think he has so much more to offer.