Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
God, I have no idea why I’m telling him all this. Although it’s the truth. I’m still not okay with the money part but I’m going to use it to help Snow go to college. And I’ll think of it as him helping his half-sister. Without his knowledge, of course.
Anyway, maybe I’m saying all this because this is such a big moment for me. For my life. I’m going to have sex. For the first time. With the only man who’s ever made me feel safe and while I can’t tell him other truthful things, maybe I can tell him this.
“And I… I’ve never really felt safe in my life. Or cared for. Or even that I’m worth caring for. But I feel safe with you. When you’re around, I know nothing can touch me. Nothing bad. You won’t let it. So I truly am. Thankful.”
His jaw is ticking but I don’t know what it means. Maybe it’s too emotional for him, given how he wants nothing to do with emotions. But whatever. I’m glad I said my piece. Besides, money isn’t the only thing he’s giving me. He’s also promised to talk so he’s going to have to get used to this mushiness.
But my thoughts break when he promises, or more like threatens, in a low tone, “Well, tonight’s your lucky night then. Because you’ll have a chance to show how much.”
I squeeze my legs around him again as I whisper, “I’m scared.”
“I know.”
“You d-do?”
“Yeah.”
“How?”
His grips in my hair and on my body flex. “Your thighs are shaking.”
I realize he’s right and I tighten my muscles to stop it. “I—”
“And that vein on your neck,” he goes on, pulling my head back and to the side as if to emphasize his point. “The one that flutters like crazy when I’m close and the one that tempts me with every breath you take, to take a bite out of you and leave you with a necklace of bruises, is throbbing faster than I’ve ever seen it.”
“It’s just that—”
“And I’d like to take credit for it, but I don’t think it’s all me, is it?”
“I’m a virgin,” I blurt out.
His eyes flash with what I can only call a predatory glint and my heart drops to the bottom of my stomach. He leans over me like a dark shadow as he drawls, “Yeah?”
I nod jerkily, or try to, but his fingers in my hair are relentless. “I-I mean, you know that already—”
“I do.”
“Right. So I-I came prepared,” I tell him.
“Prepared.”
“For tonight.”
“Tell me.”
I swallow. “I… I brought an overnight bag.”
“What’s in the overnight bag?”
“Toothbrush.”
“What else?”
“Moisturizer.”
“Good skin is important.”
“Some clothes and—”
He digs his fingers in my waist. “You’re not going to need any.”
I jump, swallowing again. “An extra set of p-panties?”
He shakes his head again. “No.”
I should probably insist on panties at least, given that the ones I’m wearing are completely drenched and sticky. But it’s not about that, is it? It’s about something else, so I decide to be straight with him. “But what if it doesn’t work?”
“What doesn’t work?”
“I-I mean, I…” I lick my lips. “I haven’t had sex before.”
Looking at mine, he licks his back. “I know what a virgin means.”
“Yes, so…” I fist his hair as I continue, “I know you think I can help you with… with your soccer and I can be your distraction, but what if I’m not? What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not good at it and—”
He bends even lower then. So low that the tips of our noses graze against each other. His mouth comes within a microinch of mine, so, so very close, to touching, to kissing—God, finally kissing—but not quite as he says, “Like you, I’ve had a lot to think about too. In fact, all I did ever since I left you in that bathroom last night is think. I thought and thought and fucking thought, and you know what I realized?”
“What?”
“The biggest tragedy,” he rasps, sliding our noses against each other so softly, as softly as how harshly he’s using his fingers to abuse my body, as harshly as he’s saying these words, “in all of this is that you are it for me.”
My heart is racing so hard in my chest that I bet it’s fueling his because we’re practically glued to each other. That there’s no way our hearts aren’t in sync, but still, I’m confused. “I don’t—”
“Now,” he begins, cutting me off, and suddenly letting me go. He extricates himself from our crushing embrace, causing me to unwrap my leg from around him and go back down to the floor, my arms falling limp at my sides. And as if that wasn’t enough, he takes a step back, and because of his size it’s a massive one too, so without any warning there seems to be miles of distance between us and I’m left stranded by the door.