Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
No, I’m fucking not. I made sure of that. I made sure no one had to worry about me because there were so many other things to worry about. Rent, food, Mom’s chemo sessions back when she’d been alive, our asshole father’s drinking problems before he thankfully fucking left us, Callie’s dance classes, Ledger’s fights and detentions; everyone else’s issues. There was enough dysfunction in our family, so I made sure not to let any crop up.
But again, what the fuck is the point here?
“I was going to throw this bottle into your face,” I say, holding said bottle up to show him. “But now, I think I’m going to throw it in the air and then fucking kick it in your face. Just because you’ve almost bored me to death and I need something interesting to bring me back to life.”
His lips twitch. “That’s quite the picture.”
I hum. “No, it’s your picture that’s going to be in tomorrow’s headlines.”
I see him crack a small smile before he nods. “The point is, I made a lot of mistakes in my life, and ignoring you and pushing you away was the biggest. But now I think I may have made an even bigger mistake than that.”
“And what’s that?”
“Taking you for granted and thinking you’d be fine.”
Anger strikes my chest. “Con put you up to this?”
“No.”
“Because I am fine. And I’m going to fucking win the championship.”
“I never doubted that for a second,” Stellan says, and I believe him.
“So then what the fuck are you talking about?”
“That I want you to win,” Stellan says. “I want you to bring that trophy home. But I’m standing in the way of that. I know. I can see it. I can see you’re in pain because of me and… her. So that’s why I’m leaving. I’m leaving because I want to give you everything that is in my power to give. You did the same for me. Now it’s my turn.”
“Not her though,” I say, not as a question.
He still replies back as if it was one. “Not her.”
Something painful twists in my chest and I say, “I’m working on it.”
He frowns. “Working on what?”
Embarrassment niggles at the back of my neck. “Getting my game back.”
“What? How?”
By blackmailing a strawberry-haired girl into letting me fuck her.
Well, blackmail is a strong word. All I did was threaten her jobs that she works hard at but are really a dead end. And every night, I use her inexperienced body against her by letting her dry hump me and making her come in my lap. Which doesn’t sound so bad when I say it like that. In fact, it sounds like a pretty good time.
Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t record her dancing and dry humping me. But I only do it so I can watch it later on repeat and fuck my fist because she won’t let me fuck her pussy. And because watching those videos help me focus at practice. So much so that I don’t suck as much, not anymore. I’m still not in top form but I’m getting there. She’s curing me. Like I knew she would.
And yes, maybe I also sneak into her room when she’s sleeping. But it’s not as if she isn’t aware of it or doesn’t want me there, no matter how much she denies it. She may be out like a light when I’m there, but she knows I come to her every night. Because turns out, ever since I climbed through her window, I can’t stop doing it. I can’t rest until I’ve made sure she’s safe in her bed. And I can’t go to sleep anywhere else other than her armchair.
And again, yes maybe the money aspect may be dirty to some people, to her as well. But it’s for her own good. This way she doesn’t get her feelings confused when I end things with her once the season is over and all her problems go away too. Win-win.
While I have explanations for all of this, I can’t explain what happened about forty minutes ago. That thing I felt right in the center of my chest when she said yes. It felt like… Well, for the lack of a better phrase, it felt like my heart fucking skipped a beat. Like my heart stopped for a few seconds, went still before jumpstarting and pounding like a goddamn maniac. I’ve never had that happen before. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I thought she finally said yes, and I was going to fucking pass out on her.
Maybe that’s why I haven’t left yet. Because she is still here.
So remember when I said I was nursing my second bottle of beer while looking out into the woods? Well, I wasn’t. As in, I was mostly staring at the kitchen window. Because that’s where she is. And I got the second beer because I’d already finished the bowl of strawberries I’d been eating while watching her, and I didn’t want to look like a creep standing in the middle of my sister’s backyard, staring at her window. This way it looks like I’m enjoying a drink by myself.