Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
My next call was to Callie. Because I was done with secrets. And if I did disappear for a few days, they all deserved an explanation as to why. A truthful explanation.
By then, they’d all come back from the party and Callie, like the best friend she is, left her babies and her husband to come into my room to talk to me. As always, Callie was supportive. But then again, when has she not supported me? Even so, I apologized for not confiding in her sooner and keeping my feelings for her big brother a secret. She waved that away, saying all of us have had secrets from time to time. And that she was more concerned about me and whatever her brother had done to me.
And then came Snow. I felt bad waking her up in the middle of the night, but I had to tell her. Even though it felt like one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, telling her the truth and then getting her permission to get away for a while. I felt like the shittiest sister in the whole wide world. It reminded me of what my mother had said that I had to be willing to make sacrifices for her, for my baby and this was the opposite of that.
But then Snow told me, “You’ve done everything for me, Juju. Every single thing. You protect me. You love me. You take care of me. You work so hard for me, and you never ever make me feel like a burden and I’m not even your—”
“Don’t say it,” I cut her off. “You are my sister and I will always do everything for you. For as long as I can.”
“So then, do this for me,” she said, her eyes watery. “Go away for a while. I’ll be okay. We have a family now.”
While the situation was miserable, it still made me happy to hear her say that. To see her believe she has people in her corner and not feel insecure like she had in the beginning. And it’s all thanks to the Thorne family. No, it’s all thanks to him who went out of his way to make his new sister feel welcome.
God, leave it to him to do the sweetest things that sting like a bite.
Then, I proceeded to tell her to not give him a hard time. I told her whatever happened wasn’t his fault and that sometimes people just weren’t meant to be together.
It was—is—both a truth and a lie because we are meant to be together but at the same time, we aren’t. He has issues and no matter how many times I try to look past them, I can’t. Not this time. So even though, we’re perfect for each other, we aren’t supposed to stay together.
But it’s the testament of the care he’s taken with Snow that she said, “He’ll fix it. Whatever he broke, he’ll make it better. I know him. He’s the best big brother a girl could ask for. He’ll fix your heart too, Juju.”
It made me both smile and tear up. Her absolute conviction in him and the fact that my sweet sister didn’t know—and I hope she never ever finds out—that some things couldn’t be fixed.
Anyway, once I told everyone the truth and shared that I wanted to get away for a bit, Callie and Tempest offered to help me. But I told them no. I didn’t want them to have to lie if he or anyone else asked. So I enlisted the help of the last person he’d ever think of: Isadora.
We’d only met or rather officially met that night and I had no right to go to her. But I was desperate. I told her the same story and asked if she could help me get away for a while. She was kind enough to say yes even though she looked extremely disappointed that I was breaking up with him. Well, not breaking up because there wasn’t anything to break up from. No relationship whatsoever. And even if there was, he was the one to leave first.
In any case, here I am. In New York City.
I’ve been here three days, and I already want to stay here forever and leave right now. As amazing as this city is where you really get to disappear, which I desperately need right now, this isn’t home. This isn’t where I feel safe and secure. All of that is back in Bardstown where my family is. My sister, the Thornes. Him.
But turns out, I can’t go back home. Not yet and not because of him. Or rather, not only because of him. It’s also because somehow, I’m the porn star of Bardstown.
God, just the thought of it makes me blush so fiercely and actually causes me to stumble on my high heels as I walk down the sidewalk. I’m trudging back to my apartment after my long evening walk. In truth, it started out as an afternoon walk that turned into an evening walk. Mostly because I didn’t want to go back to the empty apartment. As amazing as that apartment is—and also, fully stocked because Isadora had called ahead and had their housekeeper stock the kitchen and the fridge for me—it also makes me realize how lonely I am. How heartbroken.