Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
“I am going to ask you one time, yeah?” Conrad says, straightening up. “And you will tell me the truth. Did you take advantage of her? Did you force her in any way?”
I stiffen even more, if possible. But then again, the goddamn implication of his question would do that. It makes the other occupants of the room stiffen too. Ledger, who’s leaning against the adjacent wall, in much the same way as me. Stellan, sitting at the edge of the bed, in much the same way as Conrad. And Reed, standing by the window, ankles crossed, his thumbs tucked in his jean pockets. All of them go alert at Conrad’s question and I grit my teeth. Then, “Is that what you think about me?”
Again, not that he’s wrong. I have taken advantage of her. But not in the way he’s implying.
He shakes his head then, frustration passing through his harsh features. “I don’t know what to fucking think about you anymore. I’ve tried to talk to you. I’ve tried to understand, give you chances, give you a hand if you need it. But you keep refusing me every single time. And I get that. Asking for help is hard. You’ve never had to ask for it. In fact, you have been our help all through these years. You’ve been our rock, the only one who never stumbled. The only one who always stood tall and firm while all of us made mistakes and fucked up things. But fuck it, Shep, you’re my little brother, all right? I care about you. I love you. I want to help you. I want to be there for you. Let me fucking be there for you. Let us all fucking be there for you.”
He's right, isn’t he? I’ve been there for him, for all of them because I thought that was my job, my purpose in life. But then they all moved on and I became so purposeless. So empty. So… But that’s not the point. The point is for some reason, I never thought I could ask for help. I never thought I could stumble because if I did too, who was going to catch them. I love my family and I would do anything for them but somehow, I forgot I have to let them do things for me too.
And if not for her, I never would’ve understood this. I never would be saying my next words so openly, so truthfully. “I don’t love her. I never did.”
Conrad sits up even straighter if possible, but I look away from him and address Stellan, who’s watching me carefully. The other half of my soul. The one person I should be able to share anything with but I don’t. I never have. I’m going to change that too. First, he kept his distance from me for his reasons, then I pushed him away for mine. But I’m done doing that. I’m done letting him do that too. And it starts here. “I never congratulated you and that’s my fault. So here,”—I jerk my chin at him—“Congratulations. I hope you both are always happy and I mean that. Once this mess is all over, I’d love to go out for a beer.” Then, “Actually, maybe our girls would like to go out for drinks together too.”
Stellan watches me for a few beats, his eyes—identical to mine—studying me with speculation. He’s the only one who knows about her or rather knows there might be something brewing between us for a long time and like I asked him to, he’s kept his mouth shut about it. He’s a good brother. I know he doesn’t believe that but I’ll make him believe it.
Then, with twitching lips, he goes, “Your girl.”
My chest goes tight, and I say with all the conviction in the world. “My girl.”
Stellan’s lips stretch into a smile. “You love her.”
Only and forever her. She’s my first and my last, and everything in between. Before I can answer my twin though, Ledger interrupts, “Wait a fucking second, you love her. As in, our stepsister.”
“She may be your stepsister but not mine.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “I mean, I knew something was up the night you laid down your claim on her like a neanderthal but… I didn’t realize you fell in love with her. When did that happen?”
A long time ago but he doesn’t need to know that. I take a deep breath and address the room at large, looking at each of my brothers one by one, even Reed. Who’s not technically my brother but has become like one over the past couple of years he’s been with Callie.
“Look, there’s a ton of stuff you don’t get about me. There’s a ton of stuff I didn’t get about myself. Not until…”
Stellan helps me. “Her.”