Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
At this, he flinches, his abs flexing and I press myself into him even harder. “I thought you wanted that because you were lonely. Your family’s moved on. All your siblings have a family of their own, a person of their own. And then, your person chose someone else and… So I thought you were acting out of pain and heartbreak, but you weren’t. You were acting out of love. You wanted me to have your baby, you want me to have your baby, just me and no one else, because you love me. I don’t know when it happened but somewhere along the way you fell in love with me. And I know this is hard for you to hear. I know that.
“I know you think love is poison and toxic and it hurts. And yes, it does. But it feels good too. It feels so, so good when you’re in love with the right person. And please just let me show you, okay? Just… Let me show you how good it feels. How good it feels to feel, Shepard. I know you’re used to burying things and numbing yourself to everything, and I know you do it for your family and while that’s the most noble thing anyone can do for the people they love, I want you to know you don’t have to do that anymore. Not with me. I’m yours, Shepard. Every inch of me, remember? Every single inch. I belong to you in every way possible. I’ll take you however you come. Good and bad and angry and biting, loving. Because that’s what you are. You’re loving. You’re made of love. Every single inch of you is made of love and I know that because I’ve felt it. And please know, you are safe with me. Your emotions are safe with me. Just please let me show you how much, okay? Just… Let me in and let me love you and let me show you how good it all can be. Please.”
By the time I’m done, I am breathing so hard that instead of giving him any support, I’m probably using him as one. I should probably calm down. Check my emotions, take control of them so I can give him strength. Because no matter how strong his body feels, like a tree, a mountain, a freaking house made of stone and bricks, I know he must be going to pieces on the inside. No matter how impassive his features look and clear his dark eyes appear, he must be falling apart.
I open my mouth to say something, to tell him we should talk about it. His least favorite thing to do but we need to, if we’re going to navigate this together. But maybe he senses that’s what’s coming because suddenly, my hands aren’t gripping his t-shirt because he’s pried them away and I’m not pressed into his body anymore. Suddenly, my body is away from his because he’s pushed me back from him. And while I contend with that, with trembling knees and a spinning world, he’s already striding across the room.
I turn around and call out, “What are you doing?”
He doesn’t answer as he stalks to the door and I rush toward him. I grab the back of his t-shirt just as he’s pulling the handle and stop him. I pull at the fabric, trying to get him away from the door but he doesn’t budge. Standing at his side, I look up at him, at his still impassive profile. “Where are you going? We need to talk about this. I know you hate talking but—”
Finally, he looks down at me, his eyes narrowed. “Yeah, you know everything, don’t you.”
I want to flinch and maybe on the inside, I do jerk but on the outside, I keep my eyes firmly planted on his intimidating form. “Yes, I do. So you need to—”
“What you need to do is get the fuck away from me.”
“No,” I state, twisting my grip in his t-shirt. “I won’t. I won’t let you ruin this. I won’t—”
“It’s already ruined,” he says, his eyes harsh as he reaches down to shake my hold off. “Just stay away from me.”
I don’t know what it is that makes me stumble back because it’s not as if he hasn’t gripped me painfully tight before or hurt me with his words before. But something in his demeanor right about now compels me to move back. It seems so…final. Like it had the night he came to the club with the intention of exacting his revenge. But somehow this is worse because last time it was my lie that shattered everything but this time it’s his truth that I’ve forced him to see.
And where do you go from there? There’s nothing beyond the truth. No hiding from it. No sugar coating. No turning it around and making it something else. Truth is wrecking. Maybe even more than love.