Total pages in book: 188
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 179812 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 899(@200wpm)___ 719(@250wpm)___ 599(@300wpm)
His words are like aphrodisiac, something that makes me feel so good but also so hungry and horny. His words make me clench around him as he slides in and out, in and out, just like the breaths we were taking together. And soon, I’m a writhing mess. I’m moaning and panting and kissing, so close to coming around his cock that anything could send me over the edge in this moment.
But what does is when he abruptly breaks the kiss only to sink his teeth into my pulse. To taste me there while he’s feeding me his dick down below. And it’s such an ‘us’ moment: sweet and dirty, full of soft butterflies and sharp teeth, full of roses and thorns, juicy strawberries and toxic snakes that I fall.
Fall and fall and fall even deeper, making him fall inside of me too.
Chapter Twenty-Three
THE WRECKING THORN
Guilt is not an emotion I feel often.
I think it’s useless and wasteful. It makes you dwell on things when it’s always better to not. It’s better to bury them and move on. Besides, you can’t go back and change things, can you? So what good is it to think about it? But I’ve been feeling it a lot lately, when it comes to my family and the distance I feel from them.
I’ve been feeling it even more ever since I met her—or rather, since I chased her down at that gala months ago, because she’s always running from me—I’ve felt it often. I’ve been able to brush it away though, bury it deep. I’ve been able to justify my actions, wrap them in a pretty bow. No matter what I did, what lines I crossed—offering money in exchange for sex, stalking her at her jobs, blackmailing her to be with me—I thought of it as her getting something out of it. I thought of it as ‘helping’ her in exchange for her ‘helping’ me. I even justified doing what I did that night at the club, humiliating her, making that video, having her ride my boot, as something that I was owed for being hurt. While I still feel like a piece of shit for it, I’ve been able to live with myself.
Or rather, I’ve been able to sleep at least a couple of hours at night, with her under the same roof as me. Not at all healthy if you’re prepping for the season, but fuck that right now. Soccer is the last thing on my mind at this moment.
Instead, what’s on my mind is that I don’t know how to bury this. What happened two days ago. What I did. How I broke her trust. Again, I’ve broken it often enough, but this feels like a new low for me. Or maybe I’m starting to grow a conscience because of her. Maybe she’s changed me in some way.
Either way, I should’ve told her. She’s not safe with me.
For many, many, many reasons.
That everything she’s worried about is true. Yes, us being together will complicate things. Not for her, of course, but for me. Conrad is going to fucking hate it. He’s going to lose his shit if he finds out I’m sleeping with his new stepsister. He’s crazy like that. He’s good like that. He’s already been eyeing me ever since that night when I declared she was my business. If he had his way—which I think he’s waiting for—he’d take her away from me and put her somewhere safe. Only because he knows how I watch her.
Only because they all know, all my siblings, how I watch her. Like she’s a piece of juicy fruit and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into her. Not a lie, and yes, she is juicy. Probably that’s why they all drop by the house so much. They never used to before, but now they’re over every fucking day and it’s really fucking annoying.
She’s also worried about Snow. Rightfully. Snow is young, younger than her. And she’s made sure that Snow remains as innocent as possible of how the world works. Probably because she knows way too much about it. And if Snow finds out what’s been going on behind her back, she’ll be happy, I know, but she’ll also be planning a future for her sister and me.
Not to mention the fucking media. They haven’t left me alone these past few months and now they won’t leave her alone either. Just by her association with me. And she doesn’t know it yet, but it fucking sucks being torn down every single day. Being doubted and criticized and fucking taken apart. The only way I’ve been able to survive it is because of her. Because of her ‘cheerleading,’ which I always dismiss and insult, but somehow it’s become my saving grace these past weeks.
She has become my saving grace. Jupiter Jones. She doesn’t even know the ways she has helped me. My Little Strawberry, the good girl no matter how much I try to turn her dirty and bad. Who told me in very specific, explicit words that she wants to be a part of something. That she wants a family. She doesn’t want to deceive or lie. She doesn’t want to keep any more secrets or hurt anyone. And yet, I made her into my dirty little secret up against a fucking tree. The night before I was set to leave for my season. And now I’m avoiding her texts because I don’t know what to say.