Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
“But if I hadn’t gone to Edinburgh, I wouldn’t have met Lily.”
“And it all comes back to her. So why aren’t you with her? Is she right, Bastian? Do you still blame yourself for Lawrence, and because you don’t think you deserve her, deserve happiness, you’re pushing her away?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe or yes?”
That old self-directed rage flared as I snapped, “Yes. All right. I don’t deserve her.”
“What is this nonsense about deserving someone? Lily doesn’t care if you deserve her or not. She’s chosen you. Out of every bloke in the world, she’s chosen you, Sebastian. You don’t get to say she doesn’t deserve you. It’s condescending. It’s saying that you know better than one of the most emotionally intelligent women you’ve ever met.”
My body jerked like I’d been shot by her words.
“And do you realize what you’re losing now by being so bloody stubborn? This isn’t giving up football or Yale or art. You’re giving up a person who makes you happier than I’ve ever seen you. Can you live with that? Can you live without Lily?”
Emotion thickened my throat as my fist clenched around her necklace. “I feel like she’s died. Every inch of me hurts and I’m angry. I’m so angry at myself. I haven’t …” I huffed, embarrassed by the coming confession. “I haven’t even looked at another woman since I met her. Not in any real way. The thought of being with someone else after being with her makes me physically sick, and the thought of her with someone else makes me want to eviscerate whoever he is with my bare hands.”
“Then you have to get over this.”
“How? I wasn’t even cognizant of doing it until Lily pointed it out.”
“Maybe it’s as simple as realizing that you’ve found something you want enough to stop punishing yourself.” Juno suddenly snort-laughed. “When this family falls, we fall hard. It’s a little unnerving.”
“It’s atrocious. I hate every second of it.”
“Oh, it’s much lovelier once you’re actually in a relationship with the person you love. So, time to get over yourself, little brother. You’re going to pull up your big-boy knickers and tell her everything you just told me.”
My pulse leapt at the thought. “What if she doesn’t want me now?”
“Oh, please. Lily Sawyer is mad about you. She’s also the sweetest human I’ve ever met and considering she’s the one who perceptively worked out your issues, I think she’ll forgive you for them.” At my hesitation, she bit out impatiently, “Go tell her or I will get on a plane to Edinburgh and come sort this mess out myself.”
“I hurt her. Badly. She might not want to talk to me. Last time I hurt her, I had to sign up to do a psych experiment just to get close enough to get her to listen.”
“Well, make sure she can’t walk away from you. Better yet, do something big and grand like the ending of some cringeworthy romantic film. She’ll listen then. She’ll have to. And bonus—I’ll get to dine out on the story for years. Mock you on your wedding day, when your children are old enough to hear it, your grandchildren …”
Heart racing as I stood, I felt the hopeless dreariness begin to fall away from me as a plan formed in my mind. “I know you’re trying to freak me out, but it isn’t working.”
“She really has broken you like a filly, hasn’t she?”
“Before you mock me any further, maybe I should talk to Leona. I have a feeling she has you wrapped around her little finger.”
“Ugh.” Juno groaned. “How did this happen to us? We were both perfectly normal a few months ago.”
“Normal, but a little lost, maybe,” I muttered truthfully.
“No, normal and in our right minds. Love makes you crazy, brother.”
“I thought you said it was lovely.”
“Oh, it is. But it also makes you crazy.”
“I already know that.” I lifted Lily’s necklace, examining it in the light. “But I’d rather be crazy than live one more day without Lily Sawyer.”
“Awww … This is me notifying you that I’m adding that line to the list of things I’m going to mock you about for the rest of your life.”
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
LILY
Ironically, Professor McAvoy’s lecture today wasn’t penetrating. Ten minutes in, I switched the recording on my phone, hoping it would pick up the seminar. Because my brain certainly wasn’t. And it was ironic because she’d handed our Gender and Psychology papers back to us as we came into the lecture hall, and she’d stopped me when she handed over mine. Professor McAvoy had taught a few of my courses over the years and we’d met to discuss my future career. Moreover, she was my dissertation advisor since she specialized in gender and psychology.
She’d pulled me aside as I approached her desk for my essay and told me in concern, “This isn’t your best work, Lily. Now is not the time to drop the ball. It’s not awful by any means, so there’s no need to panic, but I want you to know I noticed a shift. Let’s get things back to where they should be for you. Do better with your research proposal.”