Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
The thought of her on a date, as always, twisted me up inside.
“So … you were very weird when Harry brought up your school football career.”
Now my gut clenched. “Lil—”
“And Harry looked panicked before he abruptly stopped talking about it. Did something happen at school with your football team?”
She was too bloody perceptive for her own good.
Lawrence’s face flashed before my mind and that awful ache he inspired scored across my chest like the blade of a knife.
I never talked about him.
Harry knew because he’d been there. Zac knew nothing. Everyone we’d gone to school with remembered. My parents knew. Lawrence’s parents knew and loathed me. Loathed me and all the lads on the team.
“Sebastian.” Lily’s hand curled around mine. “You can talk to me.”
“I know.” The words were hoarse. “It’s not something I particularly enjoy dredging up.”
“You don’t have to,” she assured me.
I looked down at her beautiful, upturned face. Those eyes so full of compassion and care. Perhaps the masochist in me wanted to push, to prod, to see if Lily Sawyer really was the most nonjudgmental person I knew.
Maybe it was self-sabotage that prompted me to tell her.
“I killed a boy at school.”
Instead of dropping my hand, Lily’s hold on me grew bruising. “Excuse me?” she breathed, the color leaching from her cheeks.
I gently removed my hand from hers and stuffed it into the pocket of my jacket. Hunching into the chilly breeze blowing down South Bridge, I continued to walk and talk. “There are multiple teams at our boarding school. Sport is a big part of the culture at the school. We play each other and we play internationally.”
“That’s how you got scouted?”
I nodded. “I was in the middle of discussions with Merseyside Under 18s.”
“Oh my God, that’s huge.”
“It was. I was ecstatic.”
“I don’t understand. You’ve never talked about football. I’ve never seen you watch a game until today.”
I shrugged. “I watch with the lads. I follow my teams. But it’s not a part of my life in the way it was before.”
“Because … you killed someone?” Her tone was filled with disbelief.
I nodded, nauseated, the Thai food suddenly roiling inside me. “Lawrence was new to our team. Our captain, James, was a year older. He was a prick. It was tradition that you pranked new team members and James pushed it further than most would.”
“Like pledging?”
“Kind of. We were all aware that going into the team, you’d get pranked. You didn’t know when it was coming or what it would be. Every time we did it, James seemed to up the prank. He liked me because I did well for the team and was on the path to playing professional football. But he could be a swine to others. I didn’t speak up when I should have because I didn’t want to mess up my own chances. If James didn’t want you to play, you didn’t play. He was the master of manipulation and had the coaches wrapped around his finger. So, I didn’t stop him.”
Lily curled her hand around my forearm. “What happened?”
I swallowed hard, seeing Lawrence … “James found out from Lawrence’s roommate that he was terrified of spiders.”
I felt Lily tense at my side.
“James thought it would be funny to watch Lawrence piss himself in fear.” Self-loathing filled every word. “I went along with it. There was a cubicle for changing in one of the locker rooms that was floor to ceiling, no getting out except by unlocking the door. We stuck him in there with a bunch of spiders the lads had collected and locked the door.” Nausea started to rise as I remembered his shouts of terror. Tears burned my eyes, and I blinked rapidly trying to fight them back. “I felt so sick, and I knew I should stop them, but I didn’t move quickly enough. The others were so busy laughing and joking, we didn’t hear that Lawrence was struggling to breathe. By the time I decided to do something, it was too late. James wouldn’t let me open the door. I eventually punched him and got the door open. But like I said, it was too late. He’d been in there for about five or six minutes.”
I stopped in the middle of the pavement, a tear escaping before I could stop it as I looked down at Lily. Part of me wanted her to hate me. To judge me. The other part was terrified of it. “Lawrence was asthmatic. He’d hid it from us. All of us. We would eventually have found out on the field. His panic caused him to hyperventilate. And he didn’t have his inhaler with him. He died while we barricaded him in a cubicle with his worst fear, struggling to breathe as we laughed and joked outside.”
“Sebastian.” Lily’s eyes misted over as she reached for me. “You didn’t laugh and joke. You tried to help him.”