Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
At her encouraging silence, I went on. “I could hear how much the show meant to you. How much real effort you put into helping people. It wasn’t merely a comedy dating show. You did your research, you showed kindness and compassion, and I could hear you making a difference.” I scrubbed a hand over my neck, not quite sure how to articulate my desire to know her. “You might not believe it, but I really wanted to meet you. To know if you were really who you made yourself out to be. It didn’t seem like such a bad thing signing up for the fake session until I met you. And I liked you.”
Her expression was, for once, annoyingly unreadable.
Sighing, I continued. “I-I’ve … my friends … let’s say we hang out, we have a laugh … but it feels like it never goes much deeper than that. It sounds cheesy, but … I wanted to be your friend. Like a … real one.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
LILY
Sebastian Thorne had just friend-zoned me.
That shouldn’t have been my first (crushing) thought. My mind should be processing his explanation and whether I could trust him enough to forgive him.
But my brain stuck on friend-zoned. And then proceeded to tabulate all the reasons why.
Ugh, I hated that my first reason was superficial.
I wasn’t thin enough, pretty enough.
He was a golden god who could date the most beautiful humans on the planet.
Then the “Maybe I’m not posh enough” filtered in almost immediately. Sebastian was a member of the royal family. He probably couldn’t date a commoner like me.
I wrinkled my nose.
I was not common.
My parents raised January and I to believe in our importance to them and to the world, if we did our part to make a difference in it. My podcast might seem silly to some, but I felt like it was making a small impact. Moreover, I intended to become a psychotherapist. To help people identify problems with their mental and emotional well-being so we could put in place processes to help relieve those problems, i.e., improve people’s lives.
Perhaps it was the commoner thing though, after all. The friend-zoning. Because … there had been moments when Sebastian definitely seemed attracted to me. The almost-kiss in the library in front of my mum, for a start.
“Where did you go?” Sebastian asked, bringing me out of my tangent. “I quite literally saw you disappear somewhere inside your mind.”
“Literally?” I teased.
He grimaced, eyes bright with amusement. “Forgive me for my imprecise use of the word. You know what I mean. Where did you go?”
Goodness, I did not want Sebastian to know that my first takeaway from his confession was that I was somehow not good enough to be girlfriend material, but I definitely made the cut as a friend. “Just … processing. Your explanation is reasonable. That doesn’t mean I can magically have a reasonable response to it. Emotions sometimes don’t follow a logical process, as much as we’d like them to. I can’t switch on the trust button. It would have to be earned again.” I winced almost apologetically before I continued. “And I don’t know if I want to give us the space to explore a friendship to build trust.”
He blew out air between his lips and sank back against the wall. “Spoken like a psychology student.”
Now I winced for a different reason.
Sebastian saw. “I meant that as a compliment, believe it or not.”
“Okay.”
“Lily …” His expression turned pleading. “Please give me a chance.”
Could I be friends with Sebastian when I was attracted to him?
Well, it wasn’t like I hadn’t done it before.
When I was fifteen, I’d had a massive crush on Euan, a guy in our friend group. My girlfriends knew about it, and I got along really well with him. I’d thought we were heading into girlfriend/boyfriend territory. Until one day, my friend Nikki approached me sheepishly to tell me Euan had asked her out and she’d said yes. I’d been hurt. However, I was a weirdly rational teenager and reasoned that there was no point in standing in the way of the happiness of two people I cared about, even if they’d shown little care for mine. Would I have appreciated an honest conversation with my friend before she agreed to date the boy I liked? Yes. And I wouldn’t have stood in her way then either.
Anyway, long story short, I created a new place in my mind for Euan once he became my friend’s boyfriend. Somehow, I’d emotionally managed to friend-zone him. In fact, eventually watching him be so clingy with Nikki, I began to find him annoying.
I could do that with Sebastian.
Couldn’t I?
Not the annoying part. Hopefully. But the friend-zone part.
There was no point in pretending I wasn’t drawn to him. He was obviously drawn to me, even if only platonically. Maybe I could get to that same place. I did like him. I liked being around him. Before I found out about the podcast.