Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
I shrugged, keeping my grin in place despite the uneasiness I felt from Tillie and him.
Ben tore open the paper and gave the journal and pen a brief inspection. “Thanks,” he said with no emotion.
I looked around and found a notepad and pen on the sofa’s arm.
I’m sorry I didn’t know the right thing to say or do last night. Are you feeling better today?
He read it and grunted. “Better? How would I feel better? I’m still deaf.”
Ben’s moods gave me whiplash. I set the pen and paper next to the darts and wrapped my arms around his torso, resting my cheek on his chest. He didn’t move. It was an awkward, one-sided hug. After squeezing him a little tighter, hoping for any sign of reciprocation, I sighed and released him. Emotion burned my eyes, but I kept it in check.
Please don’t treat me like this after what happened.
Ben stared at the note for a long time before lifting his gaze to mine. “What happened? You mean between us or between you and Matt?”
I narrowed my eyes.
He shook his head. “Don’t insult me by acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You were going to fuck him.”
I winced and shook my head again.
“Tillie overheard Matt and Isaac talking after the pageant. You were going to have sex with him, but he stopped it because you said my name. Which is unfortunate because now I’m sure he doesn’t want you, and neither do I, now that I know you had sex with me only after he rejected you.”
I swallowed hard.
“Cat got your tongue?” Ben wasn’t the person he used to be. Losing his hearing turned him into a bitter and cruel human.
My heart ached for many reasons, least of all was his loss of hearing. It was everything he lost in the process: his sense of decency, his manners, and his way in life.
I couldn’t save him, and that felt like its own death. My Ben was gone.
You’ve had sex over 30 times with multiple girls but I’m in the wrong for NOT having sex with the guy I’ve had a crush on for years because I said YOUR name? Please tell me you see the irony in this? THE HYPOCRISY!
Ben crumpled up the paper. I think he read it, but I wasn’t sure.
“We kissed. I had to drop out of school. And I was here dealing with it, and you decided it was a good time to sleep with Matt Fucking Cory?”
I scribbled so hard on the notepad, the tip of the pen poked a hole through the paper.
You wouldn’t write me back! I wrote you so many letters, but you sent me nothing!!!
“Sorry, I was a little busy dealing with my life being turned upside down. But it’s nice to know that if I don’t get back with you, you’ll crawl in someone else’s bed.”
I shoved him. Then I scribbled more angry words.
I said your name! I was with him but wishing it was you! I gave you my virginity. I gave you everything. And I want to be with you but you’re being a bully and a jerk and an ASSHOLE!
Ben eyed the note intently, jaw muscles twitching. “You’re right. I’m an asshole. A deaf asshole. So why the hell would you want to be with me?”
Tears raced down my cheeks, and I made no attempt to wipe them away. “Because,” I whispered and signed, “I love you.”
His eyes reddened while he kept his teeth clenched. I knew he’d rather die than break down in front of me twice in less than twenty-four hours. “Well, don’t waste your time loving me.” He shrugged, gazing over my shoulder like he couldn’t stand to look me in the eye anymore. “And if the day comes that I figure out how not to be such an asshole, maybe we can be friends again.” He forced his attention back to me. “But for now, go. Go back to school. Have sex with Matt. Pursue your dreams. Waiting around for me is an insult to both of us.”
My heart stopped. He stomped all over it, and I wasn’t sure it would beat again.
“You’re better than any dream I’ve ever had. And he was just a dream,” I said.
He narrowed his eyes in confusion.
“And I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”
Ben shook his head. “I can’t hear you.”
“And I can’t believe you think our friendship is so conditional and … disposable.” I finally wiped my face and sniffled. “So fuck you, Benjamin Ashford, for making me love you. You’re the world’s worst friend. And I will never forgive you for this.” I turned.
He grabbed my arm. “What did you say?”
I pulled away from him, wiping my face.
“Gabriella,” he said, dropping his gaze to the floor, “I love you so much, but I don’t know how to be with you when I feel worthless. And I’d rather you hate me now than later.” He lifted his gaze. “It’s not about Matt. It’s not about you. I’m a terrible person for pointing fingers and making excuses. It’s me, Gabbs. Just … let me go.”