Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 84868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 424(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 424(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Ensley quickly picked up where I left off. “I think what Colt is trying to say is that in order for him and his parents to move on and deal with the loss of Grady, they need to deal with—and maybe let go of—his possessions.”
Ladd nodded. “I agree.”
“Colt,” Vivianne said, with a soft expression on her face. “Would you like it if Ladd and I were there with you when you speak to your parents?”
I thought about it for a moment, then shook my head. “Thank you, but I think it should be a private matter. I’m not sure how my mother will feel about me suggesting it, and if you were there, she might think I was bringing in reinforcements or ganging up on her.”
“What about me?” Ensley asked. “I could help you pack up Grady’s things.”
Surprised by her offer, I said, “You would do that?”
“Of course I would. If I’d known his room was still untouched, I would have offered to do it long ago. I guess I just assumed Lynn and Jacob had already done it.”
I nodded. “I’m not going to lie, I was pretty shocked to see his room untouched ten years later.” Glancing at Ladd and Vivianne, I asked, “Do you think, as parents yourself, that I should even be addressing this with my parents? I mean, it is their house, and Grady was their son. Maybe they want the room to stay as it is.”
Vivianne, who was sitting across from me, stretched out her hand, and I took it. She gently squeezed it as she spoke. “If no one is going into the room, then I can’t see how it would be a comfort to either of them. But then again, maybe just knowing all of his things are still there is a comfort. Or the simple fact of the matter is that they can’t bring themselves to pack it up. Everyone grieves so differently, Colt. I honestly don’t know how I’d feel if it were one of my children.”
She closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again.
“It has to be one of the worst kinds of pains. But I do think that you need to talk to them about it. If nothing else, it will open up dialogue about Grady. You shouldn’t feel as if you can’t talk about him.”
I closed my eyes and cursed. Another thing to add to the pile of shit I’d caused by leaving. “This is my fault. If I’d just stayed, or come back home sooner, I could have taken care of the room for them.”
“You have to stop blaming yourself for everything that’s happened since your brother’s death, Colt,” Ladd said. “Sometimes in life, we do things we think are right at the time. It’s no good to anyone, especially you, to keep beating yourself up over something you couldn’t have controlled and decisions you can’t go back and change. You also need to remember you were twenty-one years old when you lost your brother. You were young, hurting and confused. You have to give yourself some grace.” He glanced at Ensley. “We all need to offer grace in times like that.”
I felt a prickling sensation behind my eyes, and closed them. How was it that Grady had been gone for ten years, yet it suddenly felt as if it had happened only yesterday? All those years of me running and hiding, and for what? To leave behind everyone I ever loved and waste years without Ensley.
I suddenly felt exhausted. Maybe this was the reason I’d stayed away as long as I had. There were no answers, or at least none that I could think of, to help me figure all this shit out.
“Colt?”
Ensley’s voice caused me to open my eyes and meet her gaze. She was sitting next to her mother, with her father on her left, at the head of the table.
When my eyes met hers, she quickly stood. I wasn’t sure why until she walked around the table and stood next to me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. My voice sounded utterly defeated.
Reaching out, she gently swept her thumb across my cheek. It was only then that I realized I’d been crying.
Stepping closer, leaning her forehead against mine, she softly whispered, “I love you.”
And suddenly, it was as if the darkness that had been hovering over me for the last ten years lifted, and I could feel the sun on my face again.
Ensley
The second I saw the tears on Colt’s face, my heart broke in a way I’d never experienced before in my life.
He looked drained, and he sounded like he was ready to simply give up. Ten years of running away were catching up to him now that he was home. And I wasn’t making it any easier on him.
It was as if my heart had firmly taken control when I stood and walked around the table. He needed me, and that was all I cared about.