Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 84868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 424(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84868 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 424(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
“It’s a good spot to watch the storms roll in, too. Dad told me that was where our great-great-grandfather Lawrence used to go to gauge the storms coming in.”
He let out a sigh and shook his head. “It sucks we lost all that land down there.”
My eyes traveled toward the BLM land that had once belonged to our family. Our grandfather had sold it to the state with the promise it would be Bureau of Land Management property, and that we could still graze our cattle there. It was peppered with cattle even now.
“Yeah, I agree.” Turning to look at my brother, I asked, “Have you ever been in love?”
His head snapped in my direction. “Me?”
I laughed. “Yes. You.”
“No. I’ve never met anyone I thought I might want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not sure I’ll ever get married.”
Surprised, I asked, “Why not?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m not against getting married, but there isn’t a single person in River Falls whom I could see myself with.” He looked at me. “I always imagined when I met the right person, I’d be able to feel it.”
I smiled. “You will.”
“What’s it like to fall in love?”
I blew out a breath. “Oh, man. I’ve only done it once, obviously. I don’t think I really fell in love with Colt until maybe a year into dating. I loved him, I think, but I didn’t really understand what love was at first, since I was pretty young. It’s both thrilling and a bit scary.”
“Scary. Why?”
A soft laughed slipped free. “Well…you probably remember how I fell apart after Colt left.”
“I do. You spent days in Mom and Dad’s bedroom. I can remember hearing you cry. Then that shit happened with Caden and Rachel and that was traumatic. Maybe deep down, I’m just afraid to fall in love and get hurt after all that.”
I nodded. “I think that’s fair.”
“Has he told you why he left?”
We stopped walking. “He wants to, but I haven’t given him the chance.”
“Why not?”
Shrugging, I said, “Maybe I’m afraid he had a legitimate reason. And that I won’t hate him for leaving me anymore.”
“Do you want to hate him?”
My eyes lifted to meet my brother’s. “I don’t know. Seeing him has brought back all these memories and feelings I’ve worked so hard to bury for the last ten years. Being near him makes my body feel so alive, though.” I smiled and kicked at a rock. “I guess that’s love. It’s an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs. You wouldn’t know it by looking at our parents, but I can remember a time or two when I heard them fighting.”
“Not often, but I remember, too. They always made up fast…and I overheard that a time or two, as well.”
He shuddered, and I laughed. “I’m glad my room wasn’t above theirs.”
“As you should be.”
I reached for his hand. “Don’t be afraid to fall in love, Gatlin. For all the heartache Colt put me through, the two years we were together were the happiest of my life. I felt…whole when I was with him. When he left, he took a piece of my heart with him.”
“I think he left a piece of himself here with you, Ensley. You don’t see the way he looks at you, but I did that day in his father’s office. He’s still in love with you.”
I blinked back tears. “I think that’s the hardest part of falling in love. You give your heart and soul to someone in hopes that they’ll take care of them and not hurt you. But, sometimes they do…and you have to decide whether or not you want to risk letting them do it again.”
He squeezed my hand. “But love can also heal a broken heart. Maybe even by the same person who broke it.”
Pressing my lips together tightly, I nodded. “I guess so.”
Gatlin looked out over the pasture. “I like my life, I really do. I have no stress or worries. I like being single and not tied down to one person, but I can admit there are times when I want more. It’s hard not to when you look at our parents, as well as Caden and Emeline.”
“I was thinking of IVF.”
I wasn’t sure why I blurted it out, but there it was.
“A baby on your own?”
“You don’t think I should?”
He laughed. “Oh hell, if anyone would make a great single mom, it would be you, Ensley. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and I’m not saying that just because you’re my sister. You’ve never been afraid to try anything. You’ve never let people put you in a box. Maybe that’s why I can’t find anyone to love…because I compare every woman to the four most important ones in my life.”
“Four?” I asked.
“Grams, Mom, you, and Emeline.”