Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 107306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
“Tiernan seems like the kind of man who can take care of himself.”
He tosses me an annoyed glance. “He can in most ways, but inside, he’s just like the rest of us. He’s not invincible, and I could see the way he was with Dean. I won’t let Tiernan get hurt, so I had to be sure Dean deserved him.”
“And Rory?”
“Fuck yes. You don’t know what he was like in the beginning. He was wild, feral. He didn’t know how to act. His dad was a hothead, completely lacked self-control, even worse than Rory. His mom was…she was already so far gone, would just stay in bed for days, even weeks at a time. He was like this little chaos gremlin, who would wreck stuff and had no one who cared about him enough to teach him better.”
“And you did? Weren’t you guys young?” I know Rory’s mom died when he was eight, so they had to be younger than that.
“Five,” Cillian answers. “I didn’t know what I was doing. But from the moment I met him, I knew he was mine and I wanted to take care of him. And for a reason I still don’t understand, Rory attached himself to me instantly—which says a lot because he had a habit of being mean to other kids.”
I chuckle. That doesn’t surprise me.
“When he would lose control, somehow I was able to bring him back, calm him, help him. Being that for him gave me something, a purpose.” He rakes a hand through his thick hair.
I shift in the seat, my skin feeling strangely tingly. “That’s a lot of responsibility you put on yourself…Tiernan, Rory, Ollie. I have a feeling you try to be that person for Dean and Aislin too, the one who wants to take care of them all.”
“It’s not pressure when you love them. It’s how I’m built.”
“I don’t doubt that about you.”
“What?” he asks, and I’m not sure if he really doesn’t know what I’m talking about or just needs me to say it. “That it’s who you are, that you protect people you love. When I first started talking to Ollie—” At his low growl, I chuckle. “I don’t want him. I know he’s yours, but he is my friend, and I don’t have a lot of those. Never have.”
He snaps his head in my direction, looking at me like he can’t believe I told him that. I can’t either, but it feels right to share this with Cillian, partly because he’s sharing with me, and if I’m going to be with Rory, Cillian and I must find some middle ground, but also because I trust him. I get it, why Cillian means so much to Rory, why Tiernan can trust Cillian with anything. “Anyway, back to Ollie, I was worried about him at first. I thought maybe he had a boyfriend who was hurting him.”
“I would never hurt Ollie. He’s my fucking heart. I was willing to walk away from everything I love for him.”
My heart jumps into my throat. “You would never walk away from them.”
“Not them, no, but the rest of it, yes.”
Wow…I didn’t see that coming. “I see that now, about Ollie. I see how much you love him, how much you love all of them. I hated you at first because I worried about the kind of man you were and thinking you might not treat Ollie well, but now I know you love all of them maybe more than you love yourself. You don’t hurt those you love, you…become who they need you to be for them. You’re like their guardian angel or something.”
He gives a dismissive chuckle.
“I’m serious. I see you, Cillian.” Just like I see Rory.
His hands tighten on the wheel, his knuckles turning white. It feels like an eternity passes before he says, “He’s not like this…the way he is with you. He’s not like this with anyone else. Do you understand what that means?”
“It means he’s mine and I’m his. I haven’t even known him that long, but…”
“Time doesn’t matter. Not with us. Why would Rory have latched on to me the first day we met if it wasn’t meant to be? Why the fuck was Dean different for Tiernan from the start? Why did I know it was my job to take care of Ollie when he got hurt? Dean was his friend, but even if I didn’t admit it, I knew he was mine even back then. So yeah, Rory knows with you. What matters is if you’ll let all those social constructs get in the way.”
“No,” the answer rushes out. There’s no doubt in my mind about it. “I just…want to be good for him. I don’t want him to get hurt because of me. Last night…I didn’t know if I could reach him.”