Total pages in book: 24
Estimated words: 21230 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 106(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21230 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 106(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
I knew I'd respond to him, but I needed time. I wanted to have a cool head, and I wanted to give him a thoughtful response.
I went about my day the best I could, considering that my head was off somewhere in the clouds, and my heart was beating much faster than usual. While I managed to get some work done, I ran through options in the back of my mind. I couldn't imagine responding to Axel by email; that seemed too impersonal. And I didn't know what I would say to him in a phone call. He was in the midst of his racing season, and who knew where he'd be and what he'd be doing when I managed to reach him.
I decided that I needed to see him in person. I needed to be able to look into his eyes when I spoke to him, and I needed to be able to reach out and touch him. I knew he'd be heading to the location of his next race, and it was only a short plane ride away from me.
I made plans to take a few days off of work, and the more I thought about it, I decided it would be best to make contact with Axel after the next race. Prior to the event, there would be practices and time trials, and I didn't want to distract him. I managed to buy a ticket to the race online, and I arranged for a press pass. I would attend as an anonymous spectator, then use the pass to find Axel when the race was over and, with luck, share in his victory celebration like I'd wanted to do when watching his win on TV.
I felt like I'd be walking on clouds until that day.
CHAPTER 11
COLD, HARD AND EMPTY
AXEL
Reporters wanted to talk about the new focus I had this year. There was some truth to it, but in reality I was struggling to retain focus.
I'd done all I could. I had poured my heart out to Kayla in a final attempt to get through to her, and now all I could do was wait. But I was losing hope with each day that passed. I checked my email and voicemail too frequently, and there was nothing. Maybe I would never hear from her. I needed to come to terms with that possibility.
I traveled with the team to the next city on the schedule, where I threw myself into practice and preparations with as much concentration as I could manage. Enrique Velasquez, who I'd just barely edged out for third last week, was talking shit about me, and though I thought he was being childish, at least it gave me something to think about besides Kayla.
A few days after arriving, my manager brought a bundle of mail for me that had been forwarded from our main office. A large envelope from Kayla's magazine was in the stack, and of course I opened it first. I was hopeful as I tore into it, but all that it contained were two copies of the magazine and a post-it note saying, "Thanks for the interview. –Kayla"
A cold, hard, empty feeling came over me. Was this how she responded to my letter? I flipped through the copies and even shook them, holding them by their bindings and hoping some longer note would fall out, even though I knew that was not going to happen. I had bared my soul to her, poured my heart out, told her how she'd changed me, and I got a cold, professional "thanks" in reply? Unbelievable. Maybe she wasn't the person I thought she was.
I sat down and read through the article Kayla had written. Anger burned in me, though there was nothing objectionable in her piece. Actually, what I was feeling was more like disappointment and bitterness about the situation and Kayla's response, and anger at myself for obviously misjudging her and her feelings toward me.
In a fortunate coincidence of timing, I had a practice session scheduled for the afternoon. It was time to lay my anger down on the track and leave any thoughts of Kayla in my dust.
CHAPTER 12
RACING
KAYLA
I flew in on Saturday and was excited to find out that while I'd been in the air, Axel had won the pole position in the time trials! He'd be leading the pack in the next day's race, and all of the racing news was buzzing with his name. He was suddenly the driver to beat, and I couldn't have been happier for him.
I was nervous about seeing him, but I was also hopeful and determined. I thought about what I might say to him, but I soon decided it was impossible to plan and I knew I'd have to just say what was in my heart.
On Sunday, I had to hold myself back. I wanted to rush to the track, but I knew getting there earlier wouldn't help me see Axel any sooner, and I didn't want to be tempted to use my press pass to try to find him before the race. I reminded myself that seeing him after was going to be worth the wait.