Total pages in book: 24
Estimated words: 21230 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 106(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21230 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 106(@200wpm)___ 85(@250wpm)___ 71(@300wpm)
I sank back in my chair and exhaled, then sat forward again to focus on the interview. There was all the usual stuff about how practice had been going, how fast the track was, and how well Axel expected to do today. Then the interviewer changed tone, and told Axel that there was "talk about you getting more serious and being more focused than ever on racing." It seemed an innocent comment, but it also seemed weighted in something more, and I wondered if it referred to the sudden lack of gossip news. Axel definitely had a reputation in that area, and his big female fan base was frequently referred to, if only in a roundabout way.
Axel himself seemed to become more serious and thoughtful when answering. He said that a couple of people who were very close to him had caused him to reexamine his priorities, and that he "had some things to still work out" but that he was "moving in a forward direction."
I rewound the broadcast several times to take in his response. Was I crazy to think he was referring to me and our conversation? Had I possibly affected him that much? I'd dismissed his phone and email messages as him being overly persistent or playing games, but he wouldn't be on TV talking about life changes if it was all a game to him, would he? Or, maybe I was reading too much into it. Maybe I was hoping for something that wasn't there.
At a commercial, I caught the recording up to the live broadcast, and saw that the race was about to start. The drivers were lined up, and I found Axel's green #27 in the third row. I silently wished him luck and a safe race, and then turned up the volume for my favorite part.
A signal was given, and the engines roared to life. It wasn't quite as exciting in my living room as it was to experience in person, but it still gave me chills, and this time, with Axel's touch so fresh in my mind, the power of the engines aroused other parts of my body as well. Racing was such a sexy sport: the sleek curves of the cars, the drivers in their uniforms, the raw determination, the speed.
The cars started into their pace laps, then the green flag was waved and they were flying around the track, vying for position. It was an exciting race, and a couple of hours later it was over, with Axel edging out another driver in a close finish to take third place. Though I'm sure he was disappointed not to come in first, he looked pleased with his finish and I knew it would set him up well for the rest of the season. I was so happy to see Axel in the winner's circle, and I wished I was there with him to throw my arms around him in celebration. I was both surprised and frustrated by this impulse.
The next morning, still a swirling ball of emotion after watching the race and seeing Axel's intriguing pre-race comments, I received a handwritten letter in the morning mail at work. My stomach fluttered as I got a few lines in.
Dear Kayla,
Please read this. I don't know if you've gotten my other messages or if you're still upset, but I have two things I need to tell you, and then I'll leave you alone, if that's what you want.
First, I want you to know that you've changed me. The words that you said, and even more, the way you looked at me in the bar that night, set me on a path of soul searching. I realize that I've been afraid, and I've been limiting myself. Since you opened my eyes, I've been working on making changes in my outlook on life. Thank you for that.
The other thing I need you to know is that I can't stop thinking about you. Please keep reading, Kayla. I know this may be hard for you, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I truly feel that we can be good together. We can be great. I know who you are as a person, and you seem to have a better understanding of me than I have of myself. If you would be willing to take a risk, I think we deserve a chance to get to know each other even better, and to see where things can go. I'm ready to have an open heart. Can you do the same?
Yours,
Axel
My eyes were filled with tears when I finished reading. It was like a dream. Axel wanted me. He wanted to have a relationship with me. Even though I believed him and his intentions, getting closer to him still felt like a risk. But if I didn't take a risk, wouldn't I be guilty of the same limiting behavior I'd accused him of?