Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Jameson’s car seat sat in the back. He, too, was lifeless. His little arms floated at his side, and the sight sent panic exploding through me. I had to get to them. Still holding onto the door handle, I brought my feet to the window, crouching as I used all my strength to kick the window.
At first, there was nothing. I kicked and kicked, and eventually, the window cracked. I kicked once more, and it shattered just enough for me to force my arm through. Ignoring the glass slicing my skin, I unlocked the door and pulled it open.
I unbuckled her and pulled her against my chest. I wanted to go for Jameson, too, but I couldn’t carry them both. It was a decision no man should ever have to make, and even now, I question it. But I did the only thing I could. I dragged her limp body against the current and brought her up to the surface.
By the sheer will of God, I managed to make it to the bank.
I didn’t have the luxury of holding her. I had to try to bring her back, so I started CPR as I pleaded, “Come on, baby. Don’t leave me. Stay with me.”
Her skin was ice cold beneath my hands. I called out for help, over and over, but no one came. I pressed my fingers to her neck, checking for any sign of a pulse, but there was nothing. I was so torn. I wanted to fight for her, to bring her back, but the whole time I was doing CPR, I was thinking about Jameson.
His little round cheeks.
His tiny arm floating in the water.
I didn’t know whether to stop and go to him or keep trying to bring Emily back. I was hanging on by a thread. “Please don’t do this!”
The river roared beside me, but that was the only sound I heard.
Nothing else.
I shook her, pleading with everything I had as I roared, “Emily! Please, God!”
There was no response. She just lay there limp on the ground.
That’s when I finally accepted the fact that she was gone. My wife, the mother of my child, was gone. I felt utterly defeated as I dove back into that water. The sound that tore through me didn’t even sound human.
The current felt harder this time. My arms burned as I fought against it, my lungs screamed, but I didn’t stop. I found the door and climbed into the back. I found the car seat and my little boy. My hands shook so hard I could barely get him unbuckled.
Once I had him free, I pulled him tight against my chest, and the feeling of his little body against mine was crippling. He was so damn small, so fragile, and yet, it took all I had to make it to the shore with him. I collapsed beside Emily and tried with all my might to breathe life back into him. He was so cold and still. I knew there was little chance that I could bring him back, but I couldn’t stop.
“Come on, buddy. Come on.”
Nothing.
I pressed my forehead against his wet hair. He looked like my Jameson. He was even wearing his favorite little light-up sneakers, and the lightning bolts were still barely blinking. The rosy color that had always been in his fat little cheeks was gone, and his little blue eyes were void of any light or spark of life.
He was gone. My boy, my heart and soul, was gone.
And in that moment, all I could think was that I was too late.
If I’d gotten there sooner. If I hadn’t gotten held up at the club. If I’d done what I promised and protected them, they would still be alive. Instead, I sat there in the mud and rain with Emily’s head on my shoulder and Jameson’s tiny hand hanging limp against my arm.
I was holding my whole world in my arms as it slipped away forever.
That’s when I broke.
And I don’t mean a sliver or a crack.
I shattered into pieces on that bank, and I knew nothing would ever be the same.
26
RAELYN
Iwas sleeping so peacefully when I woke up with a start. And for reasons I didn’t understand, I had a strange tightness in my chest. Something was wrong. I slid my hand across the cold sheets and quickly realized that Walker was no longer in bed next to me.
I glanced over at the clock, and a weird knot coiled in the pit of my stomach. I sat up and listened for a moment, hoping to hear him moving about, but there was only silence. That gave me an uneasy feeling, and every instinct I had gnawed at me to go check on him.
My clothes were somewhere on the floor, but instead of hunting for them, I just grabbed one of Walker’s t-shirts from the dresser. I slipped it over my head, and I couldn’t help but notice it smelled like him. The thought should’ve made me smile. Instead, the knot in my stomach pulled tighter.