Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 73462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 367(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 367(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
“I mourned him, River,” I say, barely recognizing my own voice. “I carried that weight. For twenty fucking years, I thought he died because of me. Because of that shit that I planned. I thought he couldn’t live with what we did. The crime we committed.”
River lowers his hand from his jaw. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“No?” I laugh, bitter and hollow. “Because that’s not what it felt like.”
He flinches.
Good.
Let him bear some of the guilt. He earned it.
“You should’ve told me,” I say. “Maybe not then, maybe not right away, but sometime. You owed me that much.”
“I owed a lot of people a lot of things,” he mutters. “But keeping him safe came first.”
“And what about the rest of us? What the hell were we supposed to be, River? Me? The guys? His mom? Collateral damage?”
He doesn’t answer. Just stands there in that same infuriating way he always has, carrying the world on his shoulders and acting like it’s a virtue.
I turn away from him, jaw clenched so tight it aches.
He steps beside me, careful not to get too close.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he says quietly, rubbing his jaw.
Same old, same old. I’m tired of the broken record.
“Fuck off.” But then Sienna spears her way into my thoughts once more.
Beautiful, brilliant Sienna. Sienna who loves me. Sienna, who I love.
I don’t want to give her up.
But if there’s a chance for Jake and me…
Life with Sienna would certainly be easier, but I’ve never chosen the easy route.
Still…I adore her. Was dreaming of a life with her. Marriage, children…
Yet here I am, my hand still throbbing from hitting the man who brought Jake back.
The man who, for all his flaws, gave me the one thing I thought I’d never see again.
“Brett, I never—”
“Oh, save it,” I say. “Don’t talk to me like I’m some wounded animal on your ranch that you’re trying to calm down.”
“I’m not trying to do anything right now,” he says. “I’m just…here.”
“Yeah, well, you’re ‘just here’ twenty years too late.”
River doesn’t respond. He stands there, that same damned stillness that used to drive me crazy back in high school when he’d shut down mid-argument instead of exploding. I used to think it made him noble. Now it just feels like avoidance.
“Do you love her?” he asks out of the blue.
I blink. “What?”
“Sienna. Do you love her?”
I grind my teeth. “Of course I love her. You know that. I’m in love with her.”
River sighs. “You can’t have both.”
My laugh is short and sharp. “You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t been torturing myself with it every second since Jake stepped through that door?”
“I’m not judging you,” River says. “I’m warning you.”
I face him, my chest tight and hollow all at once. “I love Sienna. I do. She’s everything beautiful and bright in a world that keeps falling apart. She looks at me like I’m worth something.”
River nods. “So what’s the problem?”
“The problem,” I whisper, “is that I never stopped loving Jake. And now that he’s back, it feels like my entire world just shifted again. And I hate that it feels that way.”
River sighs. “You’re not the only one who lost something.”
I narrow my eyes. “Please say you’re not talking about yourself.”
“No,” he says. “All of us. We all lost pieces of ourselves when Jake disappeared. I just knew he was still breathing. You didn’t. That’s my crime, Brett. Not telling you.”
“Yeah,” I say, voice raw. “And it was a hell of a crime.”
Another silence stretches between us. Less jagged now, more resigned. River’s hand is still at his jaw, but he hasn’t moved to leave. Neither have I.
“She doesn’t know,” I say eventually. “Sienna. About Jake. About my feelings. I haven’t told her.”
River raises an eyebrow. “Are you going to?”
“I don’t know. I never thought it was an issue. He was fucking dead.”
“You should tell her.”
“I know.”
I shove my hands into the pockets of my shorts, trying to keep from shaking. “He looks the same. Older, obviously. Rougher. But the way he smiled… God, it was like no time had passed.”
“That’s the dangerous part,” River says. “Because it has.”
I nod, staring at the horizon. “I need time.”
“You have it,” River says. “But not forever.”
He walks back toward the house, leaving me standing alone under sun, with nothing but the scent of jasmine, the sound of waves, and the ghost of a man I never stopped loving.
EPISODE 209
RIDERS ON THE STORM
Sienna
“Lord,” I say to Emily. “Look what’s coming.”
June saunters towards us, clad only in the same damned towel she’s had on since… Well, all day as far as I can tell.
“What happened to Misty?” she asks. “Sebastian and Alex brought her out to the deck to have Darby take a look at her.”
Emily rolls her eyes.
“She’s dehydrated,” I offer. “But is the doctor seriously going to examine Misty on the deck?”